I really don't know how to describe my life now. I'm happy with my real life but in my virtual life (sns), I'm not happy anymore. I haven't talk to my friends after Jonghyun's death. Some of them are Shawols. I didn't know how to confort them. I didn't even talk to them how I feel about Jonghyun's death. It hurts but I need to fake my feelings. I want to look stronger outside but inside, I'm so hurt. I'm broken. I started to isolate myself. I'm always online but I don't have the guts to open up my feelings to someone. I feel so alone but I can't identify in what way. I don't know where to start. I have friends outside sns but I don't see them often. I rarely talk to them. I want to cry but I can't.

It's really hard.