Hey Jonghyun,

I don't even use this site that much anymore. I guess you could say I've grown up. But, there's a part of me that I don't think will ever fully "grow up," and it's a part of my life that includes you. When I first found out about K-pop years ago, Lucifer by SHINee was the second K-pop song that I had ever listened to. I remember watching the music video for the first time and being fascinated by you and the rest of your group -- from everyone's (crazy) hairstyles, the synchronized dancing, catchy beat, and your gorgeous vocals. SHINee was my first in a lot of ways. The first Korean variety show I ever watched was Taemin's 'We Got Married,' and the second was SHINee's 'Hello Baby.' My heart was so happy back then; watching you and your members take care of little Yoogeun brought a smile onto my face on the days I would watch the episodes after school. Earlier this year, I was also fortunate enough to attend my first concert, which was SHINee's first U.S. tour. I'm so grateful that I was able to see you in person for the first time, instead of from on my computer's or phone's screen. I really didn't expect for that opportunity to be my last. Seeing you in person was a beautiful experience. I remember your contagious laughter, the heart-warming ways you connected with American fans, and of course, your stunning singing. My heart is broken. I vividly remember the morning that the news of your passing was announced. I had just woken up and checked my notifications; my friend had messaged me to alert me of the breaking news. At the time, it wasn't confirmed yet, but when I went onto social media a few minutes after, SM had officially confirmed the tragedy. I felt my heart break at the news. I was in a state of complete shock, and at first, I really didn't know how to react. As it was still early in the morning, I began to message other friends to inform them of the news. It was horrible and heartbreaking and it left me with an aching feeling of regret. The night before, I had watched a fancam of you, and I had scrolled through your Instagram account because I was curious about what you were up to. I'm so, so sorry that none of us noticed how much you were actually struggling. I'm so sorry to have failed you as a fan. Jonghyun, your legacy will not be forgotten. Your impact on my life, on everyone's lives, will not be forgotten. Thank you for the talent that you have blessed this world with, and thank you for the beautiful memories. I know that there are other people out there who are hurting over your death more than I am, and I hope they all stay strong. But, at the same time, this entire ordeal has hurt me too, and again, I'm so sorry, Jonghyun. You really did deserve better. 
You did well. You worked hard. 

From one of your many fans, 
I love you, and I won't forget you. 

I've been avoiding numerous social media and Korean entertianment platforms, including AFF, since the wake of his passing. But, I felt the need to post this so that everyone's memories of him can live on. This is my own way of coping with the tragedy. I hope anyone else that is affected by this is also finding their own way(s) to cope.

Please, don't be afraid to reach out to others if you're ever feeling lost or scared. Your life has value. You matter to someone. 
For my U.S. friends, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached 24 hours a day at 1-800-273-8255