Look at me blogging. haha. I have always like to pen my thoughts but i never get the chance. I am too lazy to write in a diary. I did try when I was a kid. But I never get far, a few days and I am done. Blame it on my lazy personalit or my penmanship but typing my thoughts is perferct for me. 

I know nobody would read this. Even I wouldn't read this. And I meant it. Its not like I am going to read this again. haha. No body would want to know what goes on in my life. Nobody is interested. I am not that much of interesting person. Even I'm boring myself.

So this is what I've been up to these days. Christmas is coming so work is busy. I made a mistake. We're going to give wines as chrismas gifts and I ordered the wrong amount of wine, Its all my fault. I wasn;t being careless, but in the end I just messed up. I wasn't slacking or anything. I was doing my best but in the end I messed up. I made me feel like crap. like really crappy. Like I am some incompetent who is all big talk but actually amounts to nothing. And I hate myself for being like that.

I want to be the best version of myself. I kept telling myself to wirk hard. That there's nothing you can't achieve with effort.They say effort does not betray you if it did then it means you didn't put enough effort, a kpo idol said thatm, I forgot who. CL said "to improve yourself little by little. Just be better than yesterday and slowly you'llbe the person you want to be. I kept pushing myslef yup, motivating myself to do better, to be better. but somehow I alwasy end up messing up. I hate myself for making simple mistakes.

I know things will get better but for now I juts feel like crap. I hate myself. but there's no people to blame but me. I'll get better, I'll feel better and I'll be better. But it feels good to just let it out.