Dear Jonghyun oppa,

I never got a chance to meet you. I never got a chance to thank you for giving me strength to go on with my life. I was planning to go and meet you but it looks like fate has a different plan for both of us. 

I didn't blame you oppa because I know how it feels. I know how hard it is to fight against ourselves. I still remember everytime I feel down, everytime I think there is no use to keep going on, or those time when I was just too sad without a reason, I always reached out for my phone and look up at any variety shows you and your brothers went to. 

You bring a smile to my face. You light up my dark world. You give me comfort even you dont know who I am. What am I supposed to do now oppa? It deeply hurts me when I recieve the news about you committing suicide. I refused to believe it. For 6 hours I continuosly cried and pray that you will come back to all of us. I refused to believe those news who said you are gone. I keep holding on to you even until now but I know I have to eventually let you go.

What am I supposed to do now oppa? I'm hurting and when I reach for my phone again and look up for any of your variety shows I ended up crying again. What am I supposed to do? 

You saved me from myself yet I can't save you. I always wonder why all the songs you wrote are potraying exactly how I feel. It never cross my mind that those songs are your cry for help. We feel the same thing but I never realized it until it's too late. I'm sorry oppa. I'm really sorry. 

Is it too much if I just pretend that you are still here with us? I don't want to send you off..