garbarbar — bel — B+

 

name — Do Nari

nickname — 

♠ Nana — She picked this as her 'English name' in a fit of whimsy and likes being referred to it as such, though she really just stole it from an old manga she really liked.
 

birthdate — 12 Dec, 1998

birthplace — Bongchon, South Korea

hometown — Bongchon, South Korea

ethnicity — Korean

 

language — Nari only really speaks Korean. She knows a little bit of Mandarin and Japanese and English, but she's never been very good with languages so she doesn't know much at all.

What I look like

face claim — Jeon Soyeon

backup face claim — Z.Hera

 

appearance — Nari isn't very goodlooking, something she has been told over and over again. You're not a trainee for 5 years without plenty of comments about your appearance directed your way. She's fairly dark skinned with a round face, single eyelidded small eyes, and a tad more fat than is actual starvation. But surgery really scares her, the only reason why she's resisted it, and so she's stuck trying to make a name for herself with the face she was given.
 

fashion style — Nari loves dressing casually and comfortable. She loves oversized shirts and sweaters and anything to drown in, but she also loves short shorts and the free feeling of bare legs and feet comfortable in trainers. It's an odd combination but it's so perfectly her.

Who I am

plotline — Main rapper, vocalist

traits —

Cheerful, helpful, mischievous, determined, ambitious, forgiving, optimistic
 

VS.
 

Gullible, conflict averse, fragile, anxious, unfocused, self-concious, dependent

 

personality — 

At first glance Nari is an outgoing and fun thing. She's a bit frivolous, always seems to be goofing off and looking for mischief and fun, but sweet. She does love a good bit of trouble. Nari is a mischievous sort and having a spot of fun is always better than continuous practice sessions. She can be a bit loud and chatty, louder and chattier than a manager would like, but deep down she's serious about music and rapping.
 

She's always optimistic and a bit of a dreaer, she's the one who's always saying how whatever happens, they'll make it. Mean comments? They'll be turned into fans soon enough. Criticism on her rapping? Oh she'll be alright, she'll get better soon enough. A mistake on stage? Everyone will forget it soon enough so don't you worry. She's as unrealistic as they come, everything gets a positive spin, in Nari's dreams everything will end up being okay. She has unending optimism even at moments when she really shouldn't. She's also very helpful, for better or for worse. If you ask Nari something she will help you get it no matter what, she's always ready to be of use, it makes her feel like she's wanted. She's the one always covering for the more troublesome trainees because they asked her to! She's a gullible sort, she'll believe absolutely everything she's told because she wants to believe that people don't lie. And when they do? Well Nari will forgive immediately. She believes in the best of people and whatever is done to her, she will forgive it automatically.
 

So why, then, as soon as an interview or variety camera starts rolling does all that outgoing and chatty energy dry up immediately? Well, simple: Nari suffers from severe confidence issues and anxiety. She's so scared to put herself out there where it counts. It's all well and good to be herself in the practice room, but that eye of the camera really stresses her out. She always feels like she isn't good enough, feels like any moment now she can make the mis-step of her life and fall down the rabbit hole of failure and hate and criticism and letting everyone around her down. It'll be like Seungwon always says it is, it'll be all failure. She hides an ambition deep down inside of her. She does want to become successful, she does want people to love her and to develop her skill and become an amazing rapper! But all of that is pushed down in favor of not taking anything seriously so she can't get hurt.
 

Nari suffers from real anxiety, the kind that makes her completely useless once an attacks comes on and she gets into the negative spiral of thoughts. She's not good enough, she'll never amount to anything, she'll never be a main rapper worth of the group, she'll let everyone around her down just like everyone thinks she will, they're all just waiting until she fails. She goes back and forth between her unrealistic and desperate optimism and all-crushing anxiety attacks. All part and parcel of having zero self-worth. She dependent on people to prop her up, to tell her she's doing well that she's doing okay, because she won't be thinking that herself. She needs so badly to believe that she's doing okay, but she doesn't believe she's worth anything at all. She can't do this alone.

 

 

background — Nari is a simple girl from a small town with big dreams. She hails from a little town near Daegu where nothing really happened and she always wanted more in life. She was only 14 when she auditioned for JYP with a Wonder Girls dance she'd copied meticulously for four weeks straight, a shaky cover of a 2PM song, and an adorable smile. She was accepted on promise along and started training.

 

Training was hard on her, very hard. Her self-confidence got dashed against the wall in the very first week. She wasn't good enough, she was never good enough. She worked so hard to improve but she was never good enough. She turned into someone who craved reassurance and validation. Everything tha came even close to a compliment fuelled her to keep going, everything else was a punch in the gut. She worked so hard to get where she is now in skill, someone who's a decent vocalist and a good rapper, and then she stagnated.

 

It all started when she was 17 and she met Kim Seungwon, a fellow trainee. He was two years older than her, but he was nice to her and she was immediately attracted to him. He gave her the validation she so badly needed and she clung to him and it wasn't long before they started secretly dating. It was all secretive and exciting at first, and she thought it quite the adventure. They both sough a break from the constant stress in each other. Then some months later he got dropped from the trainee program and quit trying to become an idol. Things weren't working out and he couldn't keep trying, he said, so he started going to college while she kept going.

 

They saw each other less, but things kept working despite the fact that Seungwon got quite bitter about having to let his dreams go. When a few montsh later JYP decided not to renew Nari's contract, Seungwon was ecstatic. At least he wouldn't have to keep hearing about how she was working towards the dream that he had let go. But Nari heard about these Big Hit auditions for a new group and she didn't want to give up on her dream just yet and despite the fact that Seungwon had told her that she shouldn't, that she'd only get disappointed again, Nari mustered all of the courage she had and auditioned. Wouldn't you know it, she actually got in! She was quite the decent rapper now after all, and while her  continuous lack of confidence had caused JYP to sever ties, Big Hit didn't see that from just one audition. She seemed just a normal cheerful teenage girl. 

 

So Nari started training at Big Hit with what was essentially a sure fire debut and Seungwon just got more and more bitter. She continued dating him in secret because she couldn't stand to lose him and he always told her how he depended on her and how he'd be nothing without her, so she stayed even if the scrutinizing looks of the other girls made her sweat. But her skill level stagnated even more than it had before because now whenever she really tried all she heard in the back of her head were Seungwon's words: you're not good enough, you'll only fail again if you keep trying, there's nothing left for you anymore. More and more the words are wearing Nari thing, destroying even the resolve she'd had a year ago to go to that Big Hit audition was nowhere to be found anymore. And the weaker she feels, the more she clings to him.
 

likes — 

♠ Sweets, but they're not so good for diets.

♠ Soccer and supporting the red devils! 

♠ Horror films, sort of. She really likes them until she actually starts watching one, then she's usually the first to get scared and clutch whoever is sitting next to her.

♠ Thunderstorms

♠ Tea
 

dislikes —

♠ Applying makeup herself always makes her self-concious because she doesn't know how to do it herself but she's well aware that she's not pretty and she probably needs it.

♠ Silence

♠ Online comments make her nervous, but she can't stop reading them anyway and then repeats her optimistic mantras to herself.

♠ She's awful at aegyo and she knows it so it just makes her feel more ashamed and embarrassed if asked to do it before the camera.

♠ Geography, she wa always terrible at it. She still isn't sure if China's capital is Shanghai or Beijing.

 

hobbies — 

♠ She really likes playing soccer herself too.

♠ Rapping is her love and she wishes that she was better at it. 

 

habits — 

♠ She sings in the shower a lot

♠ Casual skinship, Nari is a very touchy person and she does it without thinking sometimes. Things like casually linking arms or leaning on someone or throwing her arm around someone's shoulder while standing next to them. 

 

trivia — 

♠ Nari takes the shortest showers out of everyone. She usually showers for only 5 minutes and doesn't bother much with creams and masks and other kinds of beauty products. She doesn't know how.
 

♠ She's got a super expressive face, it's so easy to tell her emotions. This comes in quite handy on stage, and it comes in less handy when she's doing basically anything else.

♠ Nari is actually quite intelligent. She often helps Seungwon with the papers he needs to write for his Korean history major, and help here often means doing them by herself, or at least gather the notes. It's not uncommon to see Nari hunched over a bunch of printed out journals to write some notes.

♠ Her relationship with Seungwon is essentially one of those worst kept secrets that many of her group mates know about or at least have an idea of.

Let's play a game

 

'love'  interest — Kim Seungwon (FC: Ikon's BI or EXO's Kai)

 

personality — Selfish, self-concious, bitter, funny, attentive, jealous, old-fashioned, possessive.

 

relationship — Their relationship currently is highly toxic. Seungwon is extremely jealous of Nari's position as an almost idol, a dream he let go himself (though he claims he had no choice). He's constantly pressuring Nari to let go of that dream because it'll be for the better, though really he's doing it so that he doesn't have to stand by and watch while she achieves the one thing he wanted for himself. He's not entirely aware he's even doing it himself, he doesn't know that he makes her feel like everytime they meet, that he's tearing down any confidence she had left with his words. There is a part of him that truly believes that he's helping her, that he's shielding her from disappointment by telling her that she's going to fail anyway so might as well give up now, right? 

 

He's also rather possessive and oldfashioned, traits that were fine when things were good, but got more and more twisted when things started going bad. It started innocently enough, he'd tell her that he didn't like it when she wore short shorts or skirts for any idol activities or otherwise. He'd lament when she'd have a schedule with a boy, any kind of interactions at all. He'd talk about how guys feel when they see their girlfriends in shorts dancing on stage, how terrible it feels to see other guys oggling her. It all stems from a mixture of conservative believes and his own insecurities that she'll leave him now that she's an idol, that she'll find better than him, so he does anything he can to get her to stay.

 

He truly does love her, and she loves him, and there are times when things are just like they sued to be. Times when they'd just goof off and have fun and crack jokes. Times where he'd be sweet to her and kiss her just the way she likes it, times where she truly feels amazing to be around him. Just enough times to make everything else feel worth it, to get her to tell herself that it's okay. That the good outweighs the bad. That he loves her and everything is fine no matter what everyone else says. It's toxic and they're stuck, both of them, in this unhappy relationship that's doing neither of them much good.

 

Last Words

comments/suggestions — I hope you like her and her toxic relationship isn't too much!!
 

scene requests — I'd like you to explore the trapping of such a toxic relationship, but also her relationship with the girls and how sometimes the one who looks the happiest can be the most miserable all along.
 

password — 

 

turn in — back to the story