Idiodicy
I am such an idiot... How can I - How did I allow myself to have a boyfriend when I know in my heart that I still love Kyuhyun?!!! I am so goddamn stupid and sooooooooooooooo unworthy of your love, TOP!!! You shouldn't have picked me as your first girlfriend - or first kiss either!!! Ugh...
I don't even know how I could still love Kyuhyun - he's shutting me out of his world(again). Is it just me, or am I just having crappy luck with love??? Sigh... maybe it's because I know that he's leaving soon.. Maybe it's the idea that he could be gone forever that's making me reevaluate my feelings for these guys...
Oh - to clarify about the love thing... I used to always be in unrequited love. It was like that ever since the 4th grade. Until freshman year - when I landed my first high school boyfriend, uh... let's call him Donghae. We started dating in the 2nd semester, but we actually found out each other's feelings two months before that. And we kissed before we dated too*he was my first*. Even though we didn't end in the greatest of terms - he called our relationship a burden on him even though I did more academic and athletic activities than him - we still remain friends.
Fast forwarding to now - I now know what love is.. and I know that I haven't felt anything close to that love with anyone else than Kyuhyun. And before you think of anything - I do love my boyfriend. But it hasn't gone to that kind of love. It - it's hard to explain the difference between the love.. but I can just tell... Would you call this pathetic? Stupid? Any other word???
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