I'm actually a very giving person, I like sharing but you know there are just things that you can't share or it seems that it's very difficult for you to lend or let other people use. 

When I was a kid,I had this collection of toy guns,like a shotgun, baby armalite etc,it was not just my collection,it was a joint collection of my guns and my brother's. I know,I'm weird, for a girl, I liked guns but yeah I'm weird so what's new. And they were not those cheap small toys,they were those expensive real looking ones (don't worry my dad supported this because he was part of the military and we know their just toys and for collection purposes but still we valued them) and we really treasured them but then there was this school event in which we had to make a film and I was the script writer, and my classmates knew about my collection so they suggested that I should let them borrow the guns and use it as props for the film. I was hesitant but I trusted them so I let them use 6 or 7 guns. I was not able to go to the actual filming day where my guns were supposed to be used because I had to assist in another filming location. Unfortunately, none of my guns came back. Not a single one. I was so mad and you know what's worse, they didn't even try to replace the guns that they lost. Since then I had trust issues.

Then came my new found love for collecting magazines (kpop related), I tried hard to save as much as I can because kpop magazines aren't really cheap. My classmates who also liked kpop learned about my collection and asked if I could bring some of my magazines. I was hesitant at first but since they were my friends and I saw how they were so delicate with their novels I decided to bring just 2 magazines. I brought two magz from my very first batch of magazines (they were old issues but in perfect condition because I just opened them once and I was taking good care of them) because the groups featured in there were the groups that my friends liked. I was so happy when they saw the magazines because they were fangirling #kpopfeels. of course there were articles and all and we had class so they asked if they could take them home. I was a little weary but they are my friends so I trusted them and said yes. When my magz returned to me,they were so mistreated,the first one,the cover page was detached from the magazine and the other,they had crumples and scribbles. I cried because those issues were special to me and they promised that they would take care of them but when they returned the magz, they just started pinpointing at each other saying that 'when it was with me it was still intact' or 'i handled it with care,it was in perfect condition when I used it'. Again, I was mad and didn't talk to them. I was really sensitive because I was "EXTRA" when it comes to taking care of my things. 

But the reason about this post is because of my guitar. I don't really want to rant and all but when I got to my room, I saw the state of my 7 yr old guitar and I felt bad again. 

A neighbor borrowed my guitar. He was my dad's friend. I couldn't say no because he was older than me and he's like an uncle to me so I let him borrow my baby. It had been a week since he borrowed my guitar and I really needed it back since my friend is trying to convince me that we join this kpop song cover contest and she wants me to play goodbye by 2ne1 with my guitar so I went to their house and I'll just retrieve the guitar myself. When I got there I saw his 8 yr old son strumming his life away using my guitar. I thought I was going to have a heart attack after seeing that. So I went home with my guitar. When I got to my room, I was inspecting it and I just started crying, at the back of my guitar where the handle was connected to the body was a huge ugly crack, there were a lot of scratches and there were even chips at the bottom that shows the paint of the guitar was chipped off. I took care of that guitar for 7 years and there were no paint chipped off,ugly cracks or deep, evident scratches that ever existed. I was and still am so sad about it. I don't know if I'm just paranoid because I feel like my guitar sounds different now and I think the crack at the back is the reason. I might seem dramatic about this but I really hope that people will learn how to treasure things that they borrowed. In the first place,they don't own them, they are just borrowing so it's their resposibility to take care of it with the same diligence or more of that of the owner.

I didn't realize that it would be this long. I'm sorry for wasting your time it's just I'm really grieving right now and I just want to let this all out. This is also the reason why I can't update as fast as I want to and all I do is look and comment on blogs of my friends here,hoping to get my mind off of things. But I don't think it'll be easy for me to lend or let others borrow and use my stuff now.

I'm really hoping that I'll be okay after this. Besides, what's done is done. I can't take back what already happened.