This gonna be random. As always. Okay.
Frankly says, i was harmed myself few days ago. The scar is still there, on my left hand.
Last week i was so down. My happiness was like suddenly thrown away and gone, my heart was broken and devastated became the dusts. I felt so.. i don't know how to describe it. So i decided to leave a scar on my hand, to transferred all my pains into it.
But i know i was dumb, i should have not do that, it was one of my biggest mistakes and it will always be my most regretful decision.
After that morning, when i looked at my hand after praying, i always cried. I've never know that i am that weak. I really want to love myself but i ended up hating myself by did that stupid thing.
There's one friend of mine, she's always concerned about me. She's the first one who would get hurt, and cry first before me when i feel hurt. I felt so sorry to her because i couldn't take care of myself while she was away.
And thanks to her, because she's patiently taking care of me who is physically older but mentally way more childish, right now i feel better.
Also there's one person who was accidentally concerned about me and became friend with me.

Life is so unexpected right? Haha.

At least now i feel a bit understand when people tried to cheer me by saying i'm precious or something, i feel somehow they weren't lying to me. Looking at people who cares for me, and wanting to befriended with me when i'm down, i feel blessed.
I don't want to be a fool for the rest of my life.. even if i choose to live a normal-boring life in the future, at least i want have a future, a better future. With no frantic mind, no switching mood, no more saying i am a trash, no more pathetic living.

If anyone curious, i am.. currently making my move. Little by little. Keeping my hands and mind busy with something else. I might not showing any progress in a short time because i know it will take time to get better, i don't want to rush myself too.
I just hoping that i won't be at that state anymore (when i felt worst), i hope if later i face another hard time, i could be more stronger. Because i'm tired of being like this.

Anyway, thanks for whoever you are who was willing to read this unimportant writing of mine. Yea.. thanks, and love you.