undertow
ueda junichi + go hyukdae (children of the sea) 
809w.

in the poolside lighting, hyukdae looks less like summertime innocence and more like a cake left out in the rain.
17 - things you said that i wish you hadn't (junichi pov)

they are the last ones lingering by the pool. 

at this point, the sun has long since dropped past the horizon and the only light they have to go by comes from within the pool. junichi is wringing his hair dry with one of the towels. hyukdae is mopping up the excess water. the only sound is the sqwk sqwk of the mop and the lapping of the pool against the walls. 

junichi yanks up his bag by one of its drawstrings, throwing it onto his shoulders and jerking his hood up over his head. the hems of his sweatpants are spotted with the water that lingers between the tiles. hyukdae's head twitches in junichi's direction. junichi raises a hand in response. then he promptly turns on his heel to head for the door to the locker rooms, fingers already untangling his earbuds to get his post-workout playlist ready to go. as he reaches for the door handle, he suddenly hears a hoarse "wait-" and he finds his body forcing a halt.

hyukdae is shuffling over to him. when he gets closer, he can see the way his eyelids hang heavy over his eyes, and the petals of purple and pink that dot right below his eyelashes. his shoulders curve in toward his collarbone, gingerly smile already making its place upon his lips. the team jacket hangs off of his shoulders. junichi can't recall the jacket being that baggy when hyukdae first got it.

"i wanted to talk to you, jun," hyukdae begins, careful in tone. "about .. swimming."

it falls dumbly between them. of course he wants to talk about swimming. he's one of the captains after all. junichi finds himself forcing a smile to humor him. with a nod of his head, he motions for hyukdae to continue.

"your knee," hyukdae says. "how is it?"

"it could be better," is jun's reply. "but then again, everything could be better."

"yes, well, i can agree with you there." hyukdae chances a laugh. it crackles and falls flat.

"what do you really want to talk about?" junichi says, impatience interlacing with each syllable. "i know you have something else to say."

hyukdae hesitates, pupils darting to anywhere but junichi. his fingers fiddle with the zipper of the team jacket. 

"i'm just .. worried about you-"

here we go again. junichi presses his lips into a straight-lined frown. he resumes his mission of untangling the chord of his earbuds as hyukdae continues to talk. of course he's worried about him. who isn't? junichi knows he's not the only one who feels the trademark pull in the tendons of his knee with each kick. he knows that the countdown hanging over his joint is not invisible. anyone on the team can see it and anyone can see that junichi is but a husk of the ace he used to be. washed up, beached on the bleachers where he sat post-operation. it's the same thing every time and once he hears the familiar conversation resurface, he plunges that much farther into his own personal cycle of self-deprecation. 

"jun .. are you listening ?"

hyukdae's watching him. his lips are underneath his teeth, fingernails scratching at some imaginary itch on his palm. his eyes are locked onto junichi's face, brows knit and eyes pleading. junichi heaves a weary sigh.

"i've heard it all before."

hyukdae blinks. he's taken aback. "oh-"

"and i honestly could not give a ," he can see the way hyukdae's face jumps, the hiccups near his adam's apple, but he doesn't step on the brakes. "i want to swim. i don't care what anyone else says and i'd like it if you didn't tell me how to go about my injury."

there's a certain bite to the end of his words. a nerve has been struck even if he tries to say otherwise. hyukdae is frozen for half a second, before he dissolves into the softness that always accompanies him- the edges that couldn't even give you a paper cut because he always wants to be Closer. hyukdae is smiling but the ends are unravelling. the rope has been cut to free the anchor. and junichi is sinking into his own mess, lungs filling with regret.

"okay," hyukdae says. "if that's what you want."

junichi can feel himself being tossed into wonsang's daycare, scrabbling among the other kids who are vying for the True Captain's attention. hyukdae has lost the usual comfort and support that always keeps junichi from toppling way in over his head. instead, his eyes are full to the brim with disappointment and exhaustion.

junichi shoves his earbuds in and shoves his way through the locker room door and out to fresh air.

with a sting in his throat and guilt gnawing at his insides he knows that hyukdae has finally given up on him.

tofu note : i in love the dynamics of hyukdae/junichi. for dria who picked the perfect prompt for the two. fun fact - was originally going to write their calm conversation as an argument and having the second prompt apply as well, but i thought it diverted away from both of their characters way too much.