I've never really had any dating experience, to be honest. 

In the past 20 years of my life, I've only experienced one kind of romantic love, and it had been disastrous. 

Maybe it's because I set my expectations up too high, or maybe because my standards are way above whatever's considered a realistic perception, but I guess it might come as a surprise to all of you, seeing as I only write romance aus and have plots that are always centered around this particular topic. I've never felt the need to lie about such things, so I'm being blatantly honest here. Throwing myself into the world of Kpop and Kdrama got me exposed to so many faces, so many things that made my heart happy. I felt like I could really relate to them somehow, because they were so close, they felt so real, it was almost like I knew them like they were my bestest friends. Maybe that's why I have so many expectations in regards to human beings. I always seem to compare them to the ones I see on the tv screen, the ones that are saved as a wallpaper for my labtop. Western TV shows and movies really emphasize this need for love, this need to grow up fast and date someone because that someone really makes a difference in your life. I'm not saying that Kdrama isn't focused on this, heck no. Kdrama is always, ALWAYS centered around a love interest, whether it be a mystery or a thriller or just a slice of life series. But the way in which they produce their shows are very blatantly different. 

Because when Westernized shows focus on the physical aspect of loving another individual, Asian shows are much better at taking it slow, even to the point where it's frustrating sometimes. 

I'm not saying one is bad, or one is good. Either way, it gives two different approaches to the youngsters these days, and as a result you either throw yourself recklessly or you feel as though you should take care of your heart and your feelings a little bit more before investing into such things. 

Because let me tell you, having a romantic partner is hard work when it's not working out the way you want it to be. 

I've explained all this to come to the point that I grew up thinking just how the Eastern side of the world thinks. It also helps because I'm Chinese, coming from an Asian background, with beliefs and values that are very different from the Western part of the world. 

And that's why I think of love as something that isn't just a one night stand, or a mere kiss exchanged between drunk strangers. I don't just want to go on blind dates, I don't want to meet someone I barely know and think of them as a potential romantic partner. I just want it to be slow and progressive; like being friends with someone and really getting to appreciate what they are, who they are and for what they are, not just because the context makes you think that you should see them as a man or a woman. 

You can say I'm restrained and I'm stopping myself from enjoying life to the fullest by not being reckless nor by throwing myself out there. It's fun, I'm sure it is. Innocent flirting can't be too bad, a few exchanged text messages can't be too bad either, but I'm not only writing this down here because I'm a brat that believes she should get the best kind of love out there. 

I'm saying this here because I've been through that before. 

I've been through this whole innocent flirting, the initial physical attraction, the text messages back and forth that really, weren't that productive. Most of the time, while I had been delving into the details, talking to him about what the world was made of, wanting him to listen to me and my values and what the meaning of life was...he just wasn't interested.

Because he didn't love me for who I was. 

He loved me just because he had someone that loved him. 

So a year from now, in 2017, I'm sitting at the table with my friends. They both have their boyfriends, and it's nice to see them so happy. When I'm in my room, I hear their laughter echo down the hallway, hear the soft and hushed murmurs they exchange with the ones they love, and I can't help but feel a little bit lonely. 

Then I'd wish that I had someone to love as well, that I had someone that would choose me, not by default but by choice, that I had someone that loved listening to what I had to say, and not just the things they wanted to hear instead. 

But for now, I hope that someone is right here, that you are all here, reading this right now, because I know I'm not alone. Because right now, it doesn't matter that I don't have someone in my heart, it doesn't matter that I'm living independently by myself, that I don't have to rely on anyone but myself for my own happiness. 

You guys right here are enough. You guys, those who are reading this right now, those that took the time to actually read what I have to say, that's enough for me. 

Because at least someone is listening to me. 

Not what I look like, not what I seem to be. 

Just what I am. 

(P.S: I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted to read today. I'm feeling blue and I needed somewhere to release all that pent-up emotion that I've been feeling. I hope that you have a nice day.) 

(P.P.S: Would you like more of these "Confession Times?" If so, comment down below <3)