Out Of Control

I grew up in a small town.

I live in a small apartment, not far from our national hospital

Do you know, i wake up to the sound of siren going by and i know that it's someone either dying or someone who attempted to leave this world. 

Do you know, i go to sleep, to the sound of siren going by and i know once again its the same. 

But you know something? We never hear the siren of the ambulance when someone dies. 

Just like that we forget it. Just like that, we forget about the person we loved immensly. 

And just like that, i thought i will forget about you. But its not within my control you know. 

I still remember like yesterday, when i walked through the door to your apartment, only to see you breath getting low. 

Only to see you dying on my lap. I didn't know whether if it was the right thing to do but i stayed and kept on crying. 

While i allowed you to lie your head on my lap. surprising i know right. 

I lost my mind for a few hours, till you died on my lap. 

I forgot the number to the ambulance, i forgot who i was to you and i forgot what i was doing before i entered to your place. 

And on the way to the hospital, i saw you trying to breath. I thought god gave us a chance to be together again. 

I thought we got a chance to become perfect. But you know something? it never happened. 

On the way to the ambulance, i felt frustrated. I wanted to through out any car or any motorcyle getting in our way. 

Thats when i realized, 'Damn, everyone would be doing this right? everyone would be fighting for their loved ones right?' 

How stupid and dumb was i? I was the one to be out of control. 

My feelings were out of control and funny, my thinkings too were out of control. Just like that i lost the person i loved for so long. 

-Lullu-