Staying in Closet

I feel like I have been doing so many life posts these days. Goodness...my life shouldn't be this interesting.

I guess this is a follow-up post to one I did earlier? I am not sure, but it relates to another blog post. 

I am also not sure why I really like expressing my burdens on AFF...well you readers/friends are the best listeners and give such amazing advice so I will continue to do this if you don't mind reading :)

 

So this is a continuation post in a way that I expressed me (a girl) is more into girls than guys. I really really wish I could be more into guys because being in a happy relationship would be a lot easier that way. I have met some really amazing guys over the years but I can't find myself attracted to them. My brain and heart are stupid. I could be married or in a strong relationship by now if this attraction to girls thing didn't get in the way.

Taeyeon might have ruined me too. 

Anyway, I was talking to my mom and she said people being gay and all is fine if it isn't my child.

I am so screwed.

After her saying that, I feel like I am trapped in this box with thorns on each side. Inside, I am hurting myself by not being happy with relationships I get into [with men] but the outside is just as hurtful to my parents and such if I open the box and tell them what I really want.

I feel forever trapped.

It and I dont know what to do. I am tired of dating because my parents push me to. I would rather be single than go out trying to date. Then again, what if I find a partner that I really want to be with, would I have the courage to break down my walls and face those needles that harm my parents?

I am not proactive in finding a female companion either (I still think I am going to be single and not settle down my whole life).

To sum it up, my mom really hurt me. Made me think she will never understand me. I am afraid to make her understand me too.

 

 

 

 

 

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mzlyod #1
This is better than Taengsic fic nim... hahahaa
Kidding aside... don't think about it too much.... make a decision that will make u happy, its ur life, and yolo..
checkinyourbra_ #2
Wow. I understand. What you choose to do at this point is up to you, but living your truth may leave you the most fulfilled. Nobody lives for you but you. Stay safe, babe <333
taengsicomg #3
GOSH!!! OMG sameeeee :(
I don't know, I'm probably still on the "confused" stage. But there was this one girl who liked me, and her messages were seen by my mother because I left it at home without a lock. And tbh, I kind of felt disappointed because even tho I'm her daughter, I really think that we should respect each other's privacy. So yeah, she looked thru the messages. I don't like the girl back, but yeah, when I got home, my mother started threatening me that if I'm into girls, she wouldn't be able to accept it and she won't let me go to school etc etc...
For me, I could only accept reality... Not everything we want happens. But it's your decision if you'll still choose to be a closet. Me, yes, I will still choose to be a closet because I don't want to see people that will be disappointed in me. And my mother, she worked hard for me so this is the only thing I could do.
Goodluck for us..
ibehindtheshadow #4
I dont understand you, but one thing is right. If you fall in love with someone that loves you back. You wont even have to think twice about what your mom will say. Anyway having a forbiden love is exciting. It will improve your performance in bed (:.
IcePrinceTabbie #5
I feel you.:(
Raven9 #6
I'm crying because I know what it feels like to be in that box. My parents prefer to have a son who steals and no a daughter who likes women and hurts like hell. Live with the fact that you will never have the support of your parents will depress you In my case, my job has been my escape to not go crazy. I'm sooo sorry what you're going through because I know what it feels like. Lately I've been thinking that if I really want to be happy I have to fight for that, so if it is necessary to tell my parents my ual preferences I will, I think my happiness is worth it. I hope you make the best decision that make you happy
Chaos_T #7
That . I’m sorry your mom said something like that you. Of course I’m not in your situation, so it’s easy for me to say this, but you should just come out. You’re obviously miserable being in the closet and you know it’s just going to get worse as the years go by. Repression can be toxic and, even if you get backlash from your mother at first, she’s going to have to come to terms with your uality one way or another. It’s not going to be easy, but your happiness is worth fighting for. Be brave.
mzlyod #8
They eill accept it.... dun worry.
cookie1026 #9
Well, your parents might be surprised at first.. they might even express getting hurt, but in the end, they'll just accept you for who you are. As for relationships, you never know unless you try. :3
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