Have you ever had a breakdown from being too loved?

When you think that you're not worth of loving, you just start to give away your love bit by bit, and didn't ask for anything in return, didn't expect to be loved back and even in times, bracing yourself for rejection...and then suddenly someone say they love you back.

Then another one.

Then another one.

One by one, these people you love, but never thought would be able to love you back turn at you and offer you the warmest smiles and hugs, telling you that you're not alone, that you're loved.

You. Are. Loved.

Thar moment, you get so overwhelmed so you just turn around and flee. Somewhere, anywhere because now that they love you, they will have expectations on you. Expectations that you will surely crush, because you are not good enough. You will never be enough for anyone.

Worse, you will start to hope. And you know better than anyone that hope will crush you and bring you to the ground faster than anything else.

It's still hard to put emotions in writings when you've concealed your emotions so much it basically creeps at you some nights and choke you; without you, or anyone else realising but I am trying. I am. I'm trying so hard.

I guess my dreams last night about the person who used to cherish me and then broke me affect me more than I thought. I'm supposed to be updating my personal blog but the thoughts I have are too dark these days and putting them in a place too public, where people actually know me puts me in a vulnerable position.

Oh, the other half of my penguin self, if you ever read this, don't worry. I'll be okay soon enough, I think. I'm good at pulling myself together alone. Sorry that you even have to read this. If you don't like it, I won't mind if you unfollow my blog here >.<

I hope if anyone I know in real life ever read this, they will know enough to not blame themselves. I wish they will just take it with a grain of salt and move on. Because no one else can save me from myself, only I can do it.