I wonder if everyone lives in perpetual sadness. 

There is a constant feeling of melancholy and dread that I can't manage to shake out, no matter what I do. They are there when I laugh, there when my heart flutters and there when I'm proud. It's worse when I'm already down, since they engulfed me whole and I'll have to struggle to break out of the beast that consumed me whole without mercy. 

I can't even talk about this with someone else. What if everyone is feeling the same and I'm the weak and selfish one for saying it out loud? 

Every time someone manage to get closer to me more than everyone else, I run away. 

It's scary to depend on someone, to make someone as your pillar because if they leave, you'll crumble. If I let my guard down for one moment.... 

Its better to leave than being left, right? 

I feel like I'm a hamster trapped running on a wheel. No matter how slow or how fast I run, I will always arrive at the same place, no different from where I first started. 

Stopping is not an option. And I've considered jumping out of the wheel so many times. 

But where will I end up at then?

Probably it's better to be stuck in this wheel of perpetuality. At least it's a safe place.