So I don't know if you've seen my "I drew Kai" blog

I FOUND MY LOST GRAPHICS TT-TT

I have bunch of copies of work I do just in case and I thought I lost some of them - the graphics I made under my other username, where I had my own shop. Turns out I put them on one  of my USBs and I only found it out now TT-TT I am so happy, but I also feel so bittersweet because I have been listening to BTS since three hours ago on repeat bcs the new song is just so good

Tbh I didn't expect they come back with this type of a song, I thought it would be something in style of Dope or Blood Sweat Tears

But this is soooo good

Idk but the song just gives me this bittersweet feeling, it feels so sincere hearing them sing the song.

So, the poster of Kai I made looks like this:

I was so proud of myself when I made the poster because I didn't think it would turn out this good! Although I can see some things I'd have to fix, I still find this admirable because I still think this is way out of my league. I never sent the graphic to the requester. I can't remember why though...? I also made a blue background version. But I kept this colour.

Also, the reason I am proud of myself for drawing Kai is because I have aphantasia. Aphantasia is when you can't imagine, you can't see pictures in your mind. I can't remember people's faces and many people get offended by that or they think I am crazy because I keep on talking to them every now and then, but I don't recognize them haha that is, I don't recognize people to whom I've talked less than three times, usually.

To be honest, I can imagine a little, but it's all abstract... I don't know what people look like when I don't see them. I don't remember their hair colour, nor eye colour, nothing. When I draw, I have to see what I want to draw. I don't know what a cat looks like when I don't see it. Okay, let's be real, I know it's small, has four legs, furr and makes a 'meow' sound. But the exact shape of it is blurry - and when it comes to proportions, there is not one time when I did that right. Even painting colours - for example skin - I can't tell whether the colour is right or not. When I try to draw a person, I don't know where to put eyes, nose, lips nor ears  in relation to each other. I know - forehead, eyebrows, eyes, nose, lips, chin. Okay. But, how big is a chin? How big is a nose? Where do I put eyes? How big should each of these be big? I know none of those.

I have a perfect sight, I can tell the difference between all colours, I just can't remember them. It's really tough.

But there is one thing that defies the fact that I can't imagine; When I look at numbers, I actually connect them to colours - always the same colours. For some reason, I actually remember those colours and I cannot unsee them when I look at numbers. Sometimes, I remember some pictures, but that is rarely ever. When I remember something like that, I see it only in a flash.

Tbh my visual memory is so bad, I once mistook some lady for my mother. It's that bad. I luckily didn't talk to the lady, but I almost yelled out loud "Mom!", before my friend stopped me. I had problems when I first came to highschool because I knew no one and I couldn't remember anyone > < I was also shy so it wasn't of any help.

Anyways. I am glad I still have my old work!

And

BTS

Spring Day

Like wow. The song is....... ah I can't even express myself lol And I love how Yoongi sounds so casual when he first starts his rap! The whole song is just so good TT-TT

But does anyone know why J-Hope has no lines? I mean, I guess he will sing/rap on stage when they perform, probably, but this is like, a title song, like, the main one?? Uh, I don't know what to call it haha Or is it the main? I am a really really passive fan that doesn't follow stuff, it's actually surprising I heard the song toady when it came out xD

But seriously, I love his voice y he be not there TT-TT