Poster

The character in there are great but the font, blood and bleeding arms need some fixing. Overall, good poster.

Opening Scene

The story begins with that one simple sentence, “His room was always dark.” That sentence created that desire to read more and the curiosity. Then it gave me some background information of Chanyeol’s surroundings and his attitude towards life. Then we see a character development of Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

Characterization and Motivation

I really love the way you showed Chanyeol’s personality through the messages and it was in a way a comedic relief for me, I kind a few times. And the cliff hanger on chapter three. God, I really want to know Chanyeol’s life story, well, there are hints but enough for me to be on the edge of my seat.

The characters in the story are compelling, especially how to world how come to and people coming out with their stories similar to Chanyeol and Baekhyun. I mean, who wouldn’t have thought that poor Baekhyun was harassed at school despite people up to the name of the Byuns. Baekhyun has to be the most sympathetic character so far. His life story brought up a whole new light to his character for me.

The minor characters such as the jerk, Kai, really played a huge role in the plot development and are well-rounded which enhances the story so much. And the relationships of the characters are not contrived in any way possible.

Plot and Conflict

Well, I don’t really much to say here because you’re just getting started. But what I can say is that the internal conflict of Chanyeol is quiet something, like he wants to live but wants to die, might as well be a zombie. The conflicts of all characters are very original and real and out absolutely not out of characterization given the circumstances they are in. The tension when they met each other during the video call was so suffocating for me, I hit my table so hard when Baekhyun was internally squealing for Chanyeol.

Pacing

The chapters so far are well paced, not fast nor too slow. There were some time gaps but that understandable.

Setting and World Building

I really like it when you put the “read on 7:48 am”, it gives me insights on when they usually talk. I would love for you to show how the characters’ families act around them and their interaction.               

Dialogue

The dialogues (not the messages) sometimes need a little more descriptions. Like, I can imagine how Taeyeon and Baekhyun talk but I can’t guarantee other readers.

Craft

The writing quality certainly does not affect the story in any way. It’s not jarring nor intrusive. The tone throughout the three chapters is appropriate. The point of view is handled with great care and is used in the correct sequence of the story, like, it’s not awkward when you changed it.

Overall Impression

This story is definitely something to root for and to keep an eye on. You’ll never know, it might get featured one day. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the three chapters, every single one them is a page tuner. I like that trigger warning, but you should explain to readers why there is a warning.

Poster

The character in there are great but the font, blood and bleeding arms need some fixing. Overall, good poster.

Opening Scene

The story begins with that one simple sentence, “His room was always dark.” That sentence created that desire to read more and the curiosity. Then it gave me some background information of Chanyeol’s surroundings and his attitude towards life. Then we see a character development of Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

Characterization and Motivation

I really love the way you showed Chanyeol’s personality through the messages and it was in a way a comedic relief for me, I kind a few times. And the cliff hanger on chapter three. God, I really want to know Chanyeol’s life story, well, there are hints but enough for me to be on the edge of my seat.

The characters in the story are compelling, especially how to world how come to and people coming out with their stories similar to Chanyeol and Baekhyun. I mean, who wouldn’t have thought that poor Baekhyun was harassed at school despite people up to the name of the Byuns. Baekhyun has to be the most sympathetic character so far. His life story brought up a whole new light to his character for me.

The minor characters such as the jerk, Kai, really played a huge role in the plot development and are well-rounded which enhances the story so much. And the relationships of the characters are not contrived in any way possible.

Plot and Conflict

Well, I don’t really much to say here because you’re just getting started. But what I can say is that the internal conflict of Chanyeol is quiet something, like he wants to live but wants to die, might as well be a zombie. The conflicts of all characters are very original and real and out absolutely not out of characterization given the circumstances they are in. The tension when they met each other during the video call was so suffocating for me, I hit my table so hard when Baekhyun was internally squealing for Chanyeol.

Pacing

The chapters so far are well paced, not fast nor too slow. There were some time gaps but that understandable.

Setting and World Building

I really like it when you put the “read on 7:48 am”, it gives me insights on when they usually talk. I would love for you to show how the characters’ families act around them and their interaction.               

Dialogue

The dialogues (not the messages) sometimes need a little more descriptions. Like, I can imagine how Taeyeon and Baekhyun talk but I can’t guarantee other readers.

Craft

The writing quality certainly does not affect the story in any way. It’s not jarring nor intrusive. The tone throughout the three chapters is appropriate. The point of view is handled with great care and is used in the correct sequence of the story, like, it’s not awkward when you changed it.

Overall Impression

This story is definitely something to root for and to keep an eye on. You’ll never know, it might get featured one day. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the three chapters, every single one them is a page tuner. I like that trigger warning, but you should explain to readers why there is a warning. Overall, I'm impressed.