loneliness

honestly I really don't want to write it up but I guess this is the only way left for me cope up with this feelings. a friend. all this time I thought I'll be perfectly fine without talking with my real life friend. I mean, I don't even have a true friend I can trust. It just hurts when I saw group photo of some people I used to be close with. and I'm wondering what will happens if I'm still part of them. I'm not gonna whining and blame anyone on how I'm still not part of them anymore because I just drifted apart from them.. eaten up with my insecurities and all.

seeing that picture again I just wondering did they even still remember my birthday? will they even do birthday surprise like that? thinking about this just makes me upset, sad and there's this unexplainable feelings. it makes me wondering sometimes why did I always try so hard to act I'm perfectly fine when I'm not around them. why did I always try so hard to be a good friend to people around me. remembering their important date, taking care of their feelings when they never do all of it to me. my boyfriend say it's better if I just keep my circle small. and I do that but they eventually leave me all alone. thinking back from primary school until now, I realize I never had a true friend I can really trust. maybe I'm just not meant to have a friend. I'm tired of waiting for their attention. I'm pathetic. What I'm writing not even make any sense.

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sleepingprince #1 Dec 29, 2016 15:46:17

I used to have big circle of friends and enjoy everything together but as time past I learned more about the real world and things dosent always stay the same. Eventually everyone begin to drift away as time past due to career , relationship and etc.. I begin to enjoy my own company and I learn to have fun alone. Now I prefer to spent time alone . So in short you dont have to fit in. Do whats best for yourself. Those who want to stay will stay .

Ai_Akizuki #2 Dec 29, 2016 13:26:26

I totally feel you. I used to be left out from my class that people made up rumor of them being rude to me which made my classmates hate me more. It wasn't my fault that they left me out just because they couldn't except that my parents were overprotective & didn't allow me to join any events after school. And I'm pretty sure that it isn't your fault too. I also understand when you say that you tried hard to be a good friend by remembering the important dates and all as I used to be the same situation as you. But eventually I realized that it's better to leave people who doesn't know how to appreciate other people. I kept my circle small by only befriend & being close to the ones I only trust. It's okay. Someday you'll get over them & you won't be hurt by them not inviting you to their birthday parties or whatever. Life will get better. Keep your circle small to only the ones you love, okay? All the best <3 :)

fauxglitter #3 Dec 29, 2016 13:13:14

hi I don't know what's going on in your life but I'd like you give you a big big virtual hug and tell you that everything is going to be OK! <3 Think positive thoughts and ignore people who do not deserve your attention. Know that there are always people who love you and care for you. :) So smile and I hope you feel better!