You're probably not clinically depressed. Not that it takes away from being depressed. But there is a difference between being sad (depressed in layman terms) and clinically depressed. See, the thing is, I am slightly depressed, I think about suicide a lot, but I know I would never do it. I know if I died right now I wouldn't mind and I am sad and annoyed with life more than I am happy and content with it. But I am nowhere near clinically depressed, because to be in that state is to be stuck in a dark cycle. To be in that abyss is to not have any drive to get up from your bed to eat or sit up. To be in that dark lonely place is to seek to end it all and is hanging onto a light, weak string that can break off at any moment. You do not want to be there. No one deserves to be there.




Also, you cannot be 'influenced' to be depressed. Harsh outside factors have to lead you to such an end. Depression in this day and time is like being a psychopath, a sociopath or a narcissist; people do not know what these mental diseases are (they are mental diseases) and romanticize them. They thing just because they’re slightly insensitive, anti social or extremely out going but fake and would turn around and backstab everyone, they can claim those disabilities. But they cannot, because they really do not want to be any of them. They do not know the real definition and the real extent.

Now, on to your unhappiness with you body. Lo and behold, I am also unhappy with my body, but unlike you, my fear is ever getting an eating disorder. So I am making changes that I know works. You need to eat better and in small portion and get as active as you can doing something you enjoy. Take care of your health and body. You only have one shell and the moment you destroy it, it is damaged and there is nothing any mortal can do to alter that.




Cutting: I am glad that you’ve stopped. If you think you are to go back try to seek help. And, I mean real help from real life people you know in reality (not the net) that you trust and know will help you out of that dark room.




Good luck!

I think you need to go and see a doctor , get a full check up done to comfirm it. Sometimes sign and symptoms are indications that you are more likely prone to it but that dosent really define the whole exact thing.

It's pretty easy to find out if it's just about influence or what. Try searching up the opposites of what you've searched up back then. Like, motivational quotes/stories/songs and such. For me listening to Me Too (M. T.) was a huge boost tbh, I love its lyrics and that it's pretty positive^^ if you're easily affected then it's all probably just because you've been reading about these negative things. Stop doing that^^ and cheer yourself up with happy things! Hope it'll work or that I could help a little~