So I had this friend (we'll call him RS) and we were very good friends. Best friends, even. I've probably talked about him before idk. But I'm really mad at him and I am probably going to confront him soon so for now I just want to let it out (as practice).

We were really close. He was a friend of my boyfriend and since he graduated, we both kinda bonded. We hung out a lot, and even if my boyfriend couldn't come, he didn't mind just hanging out with me. Even his friends accepted me. He told me that he felt like I was his best friend, and I felt the same. But of course I had to be an idiot and develop feelings.

At the same time he's flirting with girls and getting his heart broken, and I just wanted to make him happy. I didn't care if I had a boyfriend, I just wanted him to be happy. He said he wanted someone to cuddle and kiss and be told everything will be okay. I wanted to be that person.

I told him.

He ing threw my heart aside like my feelings didn't matter. Turns out one of the girls he had been flirting with (the same girl Damian left me for) had actually started dating him and he didn't tell me anything. That just made me feel worse because I confessed while he had a girlfriend already. We fought. 

He treated me like total , and then came back a week later talking to me like nothing happened. Occasionally we hung out, in and out of school, but he made the ridiculous excuse that "we're in the phase that we just want to be with each other all the time". That was 2 months ago. I used to sit with him at lunch and talk with him and his friends, now I don't, and I can't because of her.

He gets mad at ME when I disapprove of her when she's a year older than him (that's just weird to me) and she's the same girl that I was replaced by with everyone, including my friends. 

And he told me he used to like me. I doubt it's true, but nevertheless, he just threw those emotions away so easily. I can't. I can't stop thinking about all the good times we had together and all the memories we made and all of it was lost. just. like. that.

And still he starts trying to talk to me (mostly to get me to do something for him) and he just acts like everything's completely fine. Like we're still friends. Like he didn't just completely abandon me when I needed a friend the most.

He was the first best friend I've had in school for a while. And probably the last. And it just makes me so ing mad that he can just throw me aside, forget all of the memories and overall just ignore me like it means nothing to him. Even though it meant so much to me. His friendship kept me alive. I risked breaking apart my relationship because of him. He actually cared, for the most part.

He called me to his house one day at like 7 in the evening, just to talk because I was depressed. He told me all his secrets and I told him mine. 

And just like that he was gone,

and I was irrelevant.

And now all I want is for him to realize how much it ing hurts to watch him walk by me with her, not even glancing at me. Not even saying hello. 

It hurts so damn much when not too long ago he was stopping me from killing myself,

but now he wouldn't even care.

-kk4everfighting