Before I start ranting, I have to warn you.

 

WARNING; CRINGE-WORTHY MATERIAL AHEAD. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE SEVERE CRINGE ALLERGIES

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Alright, I warned you, fellas.

This is a follow up from the previous blog entry so....I hope you know what's coming.Before this I've only been in a relationship once, when I was 14. At that time both me and my ex-boyfriend were in boarding schools which were in different states. While he was in the north side of the country, I was in the south side of the country. We rarely did the usual stuffs that couples do. We rarely went for dates, watched movies. We really weren't like a couple now that I think of it. The only thing we did was being on the phone with each other. Needless to say, the break up was inevitable. He cheated on me with his classmate and I was sad of course but I knew it was coming.The tell-tale signs were crystal clear; cold conversation arguments, long awkward pauses. We just ran out of fuel, you know.. Oh well good old thang lasted for at least 10 months, longer than I ever expected it to be. Lol, thanks for nothing, ex.

 

So now after 2 years, this happens. Okay lets just name this guy 'N' alright? (My bias is VIXX's N but I swear its not done intentionally. His name just happens to start with the letter N too. Total great coincidence.)

 

Now that the half-baked confession is out of him, I start to become more aware of his presence. Whenever I walk around I find myself automatically looking for him. I am the type of person who may not love something at first but I will try my best to learn to love it and then, I will love fiercely.

 

When I eat, I realise that N is actually staring at me A LOT. Sometimes our eyes would meet and we'd start a wordless stare-off with usually me caving in and ducking my head bashfully godsss. What is wrong with me. I just- the gaze is too intense for my hearteu.

 

Now, I get self-concious because when I eat I gotta make sure nothings on my face, no sugar around the lips. no chilli flakes between my teeth, nothing. I become wary but deep down, I do realise that if he likes me as in reaaaaaallllly likes me then he'd accept all of me, right? Even with a hundred chilli flakes between my teeth, right? Okay, no that is downright gross. Dang it, Ririn, FOCUS!!!!!!

 

Currently, we are undergoing our midterm exams before the infamous 2 weeks school break. Last Sunday, N asked me to join him and proposed for us to study together until the papers end. And I'm like yeah okay cool. Stupidly, I repeat, STUPIDLY, I brought 2 lollipops for the both of us, thinking that it would do great to keep us from getting sleepy. AND THEN I HAD TO THE LOLLIPOP WHILE MAKING FREAKING UNINTENTIONAL OBSECENE NOISES THAT EMBARASSED ME EVEN AS I TYPE THIS DOWN. N KEPT GLANCING AT ME AND GIGGLED asdffghjkl. What is wrong with me seriously.

 

Later, my phone vibrated  and N asked casually, "What's vibrating?"

ANd I'm like nope nope nope preserve your innocent image Ririn. Get a grip on your self!

THEN HE SUDDENLY SAID "" out loud randomly AND I JUST CRACKED, LOST IT AND LAUGHED  MY GUTS OUT. There goes my so called innocent image sailing out the window faster than you can say VIXX

 

We did the 20 question game but we did cut down to 11 questions only. I assked him about the half-baked confession; 'Can you please give me a solid answer now, please?' And he did it. He answered the question. He said that we are now really close friends that are like lovers but also still in that lil friendzone. Basically friends teetering dangerously close on the edge or brink of being lovers. I- guys. I am genuinely even more confused.

 

And and and and and theeeeeeeeen there's today. My father came to visit and send some essential stuffs . He also bought me some banana fritters topped off with cheese and chocolate rice yu,. I decided to bring the treat to our study session or his slef-proclaimed (and I quote)  'date'.

 

He picked one up and guess what he did. Yup he held it to my lips.UGHASDFGHJKL WHY WHY YOU DO THIS TO MY FICKLE HEART N. I was so taken aback I could barely process it and bit only a tiny piece off and guess again what happens next or what his course of action was next. Of course of course. He ate the fritter from the spot I bit. That lil er ing with my heart istg if this does not end well, imma kill that piece of poop.

 

Later, we took a quick 10 minutes break. I scrolled through twitter and saw JUNG TAEKWOON DOJNG AEGYO which caused me to giggle softly and a silly smile formed on my face . N turned abruptly to me, smile, huffs and said "Cute."

 

WHAT THE WHAT THE ACTUAL OH MY G O D. aFTER that he cAlled me cute 3 more times before CAN YOU BELIEVE IT HE STOPPED WHATEVER HE WAS DOING, CUPPED HIS FACE AND LOOKED AT ME, ALL THE WHILE WITH A GOOFY SMILE ETCHED INTO HIS FACE "You're so cute."

 

( And for the sake of my sanity I choose not to mention the part where I thought we were gonna kiss for real but hey if you guys wanna know tell me )

 

Guys guys. I can't- I really cannot. Please send haLp and guide me. Thank you. I love you guys <3333