Today the chemistry teacher chided us for our dismal test scores. It wasn't just a person failing badly, but the whole class, with a few okay scores here and there. She told us to buck up for the block test, told us that we were third in L1R5 scores, why did we score that badly? And I think, I had high hopes when I first entered junior college. I expected that I would show off my intelligence and be the smart person I was in secondary school. And now, I just realize I'm mediocre. I'm not that smart as compared to the high achievers, and don't tell me I'm already very smart. What's the point of comforting myself that I'm already smarter than most people? I find it pathetic even, to have to be compared like that to comfort myself. 

I'm just frustrated, frustrated with the JC syllabus in general. I find myself regurgitating the syllabus, just repeating myself, having to memorize standard answers to get the mark. Is this why I'm so bad? Because I've been taught not to regurgitate and now I'm throwing it all out of the window, picking up the skill of regurgitating. Today my econs teacher said, "If you can't find meaning in the subject that you're studying, drop the subject." But I can't just drop it as and when I like, do I? Maybe I should have taken literature. Maybe I should have taken further math, should have appealed for it. Maybe if all I need to regurgitate for is chemistry, then I wouldn't suffer so much. I wouldn't say that I hate biology and cheistry, but I just hate how standard answers are expected.