Hi guys!

I'm here to share one of my thoughts, again. LOL

Well, this is still kinda connected to the whole Kai**a* thing going on so if you're so done with this, it's okay. You don't have to read this. :)

Alright...

tbh guys, I'm still feeling down because of all that has happened. I have a lot of reasons to feel sad and im sure not all of us feels the same way and i respect that. we are alll individuals who caould never be totally the same.

If I am to list down the reasons that makes me feel sad:

1. because i can't see kaisoo in the same light as i have before (pls refer to one of my previous blogs for explanation if you want to know lol) - they are the first ship that i have ever boarded even before i liked shinee and ukiss first. truthfully, ive invested too much on them - feels, time, attention - it's unhealthy and after this... it's just never the same

2. i'm a fan of f(x). even though my bias is mama vic, i have followed them ever since to the beautiful you days. i don't particularly like krystal as i prefer sulli and amber more bec she's pretty aloof but i can't judge if she's a bad person bec she's cute witl sulli and amber. and i gotta say that i find her pretty so i feel conflicted bec my feels is telling me to not like her but then, does she deserve it? i don't think so. so i'm sad bec i couldn't figure out what to exactly feel

3. i've still been on tumblr and in kaisoo tag (lol tortuuuure to self) and i see people talking down on people who are just sharing their feelings thru their blogs. WE CAN'T DICTATE HOW WE FEEL AND WE COME FROM DIFFERENT PATHS IN LIFE so who are they to call s on people that they don't know? i mean if you don't share their opinion, then at least just RESPECT theirs. they don't need people making fun of them or insulting what they feel because they still can't be mature over the whole thing. if you support the new couple, then do so. if you support kaisoo 5ever, that's great. there's no need to talk s abt each other. we're in the same fandom and we should at least get along with each other

4. i feel sad for kai.

and this is what i want to elaborate more. if i may (not like you could stop me posting this. :P)

i'll start from the beginning.

i first saw EXO and the 1st to catch my eye was suho. but then i watched M's MAMA mv and yifan snatched me away from reality. lol. so to cut the story a bit shorter, i've always been more inclined to M from the start. but when i consider K, one thing i thought before is that 'why the heck is this kai guy the face of exo?' okay, no offense but he just didn't appeal that much to me over kris and lulu.

but then i delved deeper into being an EXO fangirl and started on the OTPs.

yep, Kaisoo just swept me off my feet and I had a major shift of view on the two of them that was boosted even more when my top two biases left. especially baby soo. but then i've also paid attention to kai more because damn, why are they like that to each other??? their interaction is in a whole new level and im not an expert on how male friends' dynamics are in korea but here, two guys who are friends, or bestfriends, don't treat each other like that.

based from what i observed, kai is a quiet and reserved person but he knows how to have fun. he thinks mature for his age. he works hard for his dancing and he loves his chicken and his niece. my opinion on his looks were trumped when i went to their concert here in manila bec damn. he was just sitting and i was pretty far but i could still feel his presence right then. i gotta admit he's hot. and soo is pretty unnoticeable behind chanhun. i love soo so much but that's not the point

okay, moving on.

the way i see him in kaisoo, since both he and soo are mature in thinking, he's letting out his inner baby when he's with his hyung. there's this level of understanding between them that feels like they could only be their real selves around each other and they have to put on the idol mask when they are around anyone.

fine call me delulu or whatever. hahaha

in short, i think he is a good kid though a little rough around the edges where soo is just timid

as i have said, i am monitoring the kaisoo tag and i could see posts from certain blogs (not many really) and they are pulling out evidences of kai being the real bad boy just like how his image was built for EXO.

warning: the next bits of info im gonna write is based on what ive read and i have no way of saying if they are true or not. they are pretty bad and if you don't want to read crap things about jongin, please skip until i tell you it's over.

ALLEGEDLY, he is the rudest to fans since there are episodes where he shuns them away, he has been dating around and hooking up, he smokes and he is using his friends (taemin, ravi and moonkyu were mentioned) to hide his girls, he was injured because he was frolicking with k*y**a*, he was bring rude to suho, his family being rude to fans and many others...

IT'S SAFE NOW GUYS

and i honestly don't know what to feel. i mean, where could these things come from if not without basis? most of them show evidences too and many alleged fan accts saying the same thing. these are coming from kfans, mind you.

apparently, it's only the intl fans who are generally accepting (though i still believe that majority are simply indifferent like me) because kfans are raging and they are throwing out s abt kai and all these other bad things abt him saying that he is fake, a liar and many others

it's sad bec these are coming from those who have claimed to be their fans before all this has happened.

i can't help but think that they are just salty af and bitter at some parts but seeing all these hate that comes from the immediate people around them there in korea is saddening.

when many are expecting exo-ls to bash krystal, kai is getting more hate. and it's getting worse as days passed bec do you know the pool pic?? there are already post saying that it's fake with matching evidence but it has already reached national news, as it seems.

and i dunno but i felt like there are little people defending kai now there :(

seeing all these, i can't blame the kid for looking so sad during their last event.

and it makes me mad bec when SM is so quick to confirm the dating rumors, where are they now that people are throwing stone after stone to their artist? why are they so mum and putting all their attention to NCT's debut okay, i don't hate them, i'm actually interested in them but you get my point? i don't want to believe all those bad things and i know that kai is a sensitive guy. even the toughest could be rattled with the intensity of how this is costing them their fans.

let's face it guys, without all the kfans, they wouldn't be able to win in the music shows bec us intl fans don't have a way to vote and support them like they do. even if we put all our efforts together, it just won't be the same bec they are based there.

all i want to say is that, if kai is actually dating for real (sorry if im still skeptical), can't we just leave the boy alone? he may have done bad things and he's not the nicest guy out there but no one deserves to be treated like a ing criminal like he's being treated. it's just... sad :(

and if this is just one of SM ploys, ing . they are going to destroy their idols not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. kris, lulu and tao have already escaped and im glad.

and don't even add the reaction of the members. sigh

i dunno if chanyeol crying (is he even crying? im not sure) is somehow connected to this and his latest iG post

and then how abt soo? my babyyyy~ bec accdg to kfans, those two are really close and 'it's scary' (let's feed our delulu minds now lol). i think he will be sad for this boyfriend too and it's just too much

then we have baek who is probably the best person who could sympathize with him

i've also read that the other members are living their lives as usual but kai is kinda hiding

i just...

to nini bear

i may not be the happiest with you right now because you hurt my kaisoo feels (just kidding, don't feel responsible for that) but i don't take that against you personally. i don't know who you truly are as a person so i can't judge you and i don't want to put the trust i gave you and the other boys to waste by just going back on being your fan for almost three years. stay strong and follow what you think is right. if you are truly in love, then fight for it. if you are just being used, i hope you find the strength to tell them to off.

but then that is just wishful thinking bec you are an idol after all. sigh. there are so many things that are out of your control

i know that there is a little chance that this will get to you but i'm one of those persons who doesn't want to see you crumble from all of this. you've done EXO and many fans a favor for sharing with us your talent and pushing yourself to perform even though you are sick. it's the thought that counts, right?

so thank you and i wish you strength in all this. ask baby soo to hug you for me so i could live on with my kaisoo delulu feels

i dunno what i just posted. mwahahaha