憧れ : 초여린/ YEOREUM'S SOULMATE
< 憧れ / cho yeorin >
a message to my heaven,
i'm sending this message to you through a balloon and some string. maybe you'll get it? i hope so, i'll probably start sending you messages this way from now on. the therapist says talking it out helps, but i don't trust him. i only trust you.
total devastation. this is what i felt yesterday, this is what i feel today, this is what i will feel tomorrow. your death haunts me in my sleep and when i'm awake the accident replays in my head in an never ending loop. i see you everywhere, but when i try to run towards you, you disappear into thin air. please come back to me. i miss you.
remember the time i came home crying when we were seven? we just moved, and all the kids were making fun of my accent whenever i spoke in class. you got so mad that you started telling the kids off and said that i knew how to speak two languages while they couldn't. you were so cool. how about the time we went to the beach for the first time when we were eleven? you were so excited, preparing everything and picking out the best beach outfit to wear. we built sandcastles and dad dumped us into the ocean while we screamed with joy. you were so happy then.
I don't know what to do without you. you were my sister, my best friend, my soulmate. the other half of my existance has been cruelly ripped out of my life, and an empty shell of myself is left. nobody can fill in this huge gap that you left behind. nobody can ever compare to you in my life.
is this what you felt? a crushing pain that won't go away? the feeling of worthlessness no matter what you did? i understand now yeoreum. i understand. but its too late. you aren't here anymore, and you'll never be here anymore. it hurts to breathe, it hurts to smile, it hurts to live.
maybe i'll follow you to heaven. it'll be less painful that way and i get to see you . . . but then you would tell me that i was stupid. you always were the one to knock me back into reality. but is this the reality i want to live in? without you? without the one who was always there for me?
if i yell, will people hear me? if i cry, will people care?
no, because they are not you . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and without you, there is no point in living.
i'm sending this message to you through a balloon and some string. maybe you'll get it? i hope so, i'll probably start sending you messages this way from now on. the therapist says talking it out helps, but i don't trust him. i only trust you.
total devastation. this is what i felt yesterday, this is what i feel today, this is what i will feel tomorrow. your death haunts me in my sleep and when i'm awake the accident replays in my head in an never ending loop. i see you everywhere, but when i try to run towards you, you disappear into thin air. please come back to me. i miss you.
remember the time i came home crying when we were seven? we just moved, and all the kids were making fun of my accent whenever i spoke in class. you got so mad that you started telling the kids off and said that i knew how to speak two languages while they couldn't. you were so cool. how about the time we went to the beach for the first time when we were eleven? you were so excited, preparing everything and picking out the best beach outfit to wear. we built sandcastles and dad dumped us into the ocean while we screamed with joy. you were so happy then.
I don't know what to do without you. you were my sister, my best friend, my soulmate. the other half of my existance has been cruelly ripped out of my life, and an empty shell of myself is left. nobody can fill in this huge gap that you left behind. nobody can ever compare to you in my life.
is this what you felt? a crushing pain that won't go away? the feeling of worthlessness no matter what you did? i understand now yeoreum. i understand. but its too late. you aren't here anymore, and you'll never be here anymore. it hurts to breathe, it hurts to smile, it hurts to live.
maybe i'll follow you to heaven. it'll be less painful that way and i get to see you . . . but then you would tell me that i was stupid. you always were the one to knock me back into reality. but is this the reality i want to live in? without you? without the one who was always there for me?
if i yell, will people hear me? if i cry, will people care?
no, because they are not you . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and without you, there is no point in living.
sent from your earth.
"FOREVER BECAME A PROMISE THAT WAS NEVER FUFILLED"
< / face 01 > park boram (박보람) // soloist
< / face 02 > jeon minju (전민주) // the ark
< / prsnlty >
isfp : "the artist" // neutral good
the burning light candid, inventive, solicitous, perceptive
emotional, self-critical, introverted, anxious the engulfing darkness
if yeoreum was the bright summer sky, yeorin is the calm and constant earth. she prefers to be alone with her poems and drawings, or calmly observe (while smiling) the interactions between her friends. always there to lend you a listening ear and giving you sincere advice for your problems, yeorin is the person you go to when the tears start to flow. she's always the first to notice when people are feeling down and the first to ask if you're okay. yeorin's presence can make any person feel at peace or that they finally found the place they can call home. despite her calm demeanor, yeorin can actually become emotional and anxious when it comes to events that greatly affect her (or movies that are extremely touching). not many people know this, however, since she keeps it all inside until she's alone in her bedroom. yeorin is constantly comparing herself to others and always nitpicking at her flaws.the burning light candid, inventive, solicitous, perceptive
emotional, self-critical, introverted, anxious the engulfing darkness
< / trivias >
- stop it : yeorin is always stopping yeoreum from biting her nails; quietly scolding her that it was a bad habit to keep.
- hairstyles - the braid edition : as kids, yeorin would ask yeoreum to braid her hair and weave flowers into it. when they grew older, yeorin asks yeoreum to braid her hair for special occasions.
- green : yeorin's favorite color is green. there is something calming about the color that yeorin really likes.
- flowers : yeorin has a love for flowers. she researched on the meanings of different flowers, and likes to arrange bouquets for her friends. yeorin is currently working part-time as a florist.
- i don't like it : yeorin is not a fan of anything that tastes bitter.
- habit 1 : when she's thinking really hard or is blanking out, yeorin would gnaw on her bottom lip.
- habit 2 : when she's nervous, her right foot starts to fidget.
- the future : yeorin plans to become a high school english teacher in the future. she is still deciding on whether to attend korea university or ewha womans university.
- dreams : yeorin has a journal where she writes down her dreams. she also has a book about dream interpretaions that she reads.
- stop it : yeorin is always stopping yeoreum from biting her nails; quietly scolding her that it was a bad habit to keep.
- hairstyles - the braid edition : as kids, yeorin would ask yeoreum to braid her hair and weave flowers into it. when they grew older, yeorin asks yeoreum to braid her hair for special occasions.
- green : yeorin's favorite color is green. there is something calming about the color that yeorin really likes.
- flowers : yeorin has a love for flowers. she researched on the meanings of different flowers, and likes to arrange bouquets for her friends. yeorin is currently working part-time as a florist.
- i don't like it : yeorin is not a fan of anything that tastes bitter.
- habit 1 : when she's thinking really hard or is blanking out, yeorin would gnaw on her bottom lip.
- habit 2 : when she's nervous, her right foot starts to fidget.
- the future : yeorin plans to become a high school english teacher in the future. she is still deciding on whether to attend korea university or ewha womans university.
- dreams : yeorin has a journal where she writes down her dreams. she also has a book about dream interpretaions that she reads.
- my love : drawing is a hobby yeorin has. she likes to draw realistic portraits and nature scenes. she also picked up writing poetry after writing her first poem in middle school. she bought heavy parchment paper in order to write poems on it and draw pictures around the poem. when yeoreum discovered her love of singing, yeorin tried to learn the piano and music theory in order to make songs for her sister to sing (the lyrics were her poems). yeorin finished her first song on the trip to yeogu, but the composition was lost in the fire.
- the promise : when the cho twins were 8, they made a promise with each other:
yeoreum and yeorin were lying on the carpet of the family room watching a movie and giggling. they see a scene where a pair of siblings promise to always be there for each other.
yeorin looks over to yeoreum and asks,"we'll always be together, right?"
yeoreum beams and says, "forever."
they pink promise and stamp on the promise to make it official.
what the cho siblings didn't know was that the promise would be broken 10 years later. what happened to forever?
- memory mixtape : yeorin has a box of video tapes that she plays on her tv after the death of yeorin. every single day, she picks out a tape to watch and sits in front of the tv for hours watching it while crying. there's always one scene that she rewinds back for several hours.
- scrapbook : yeorin also has a scrapbook she made that she likes to look at. it's filled with memories of the group.
- the aftermath : after yeoreum's death, yeorin refuses to ride any type of transportation that runs with an engine. she now either walks or bikes to her destination. she also has nightmares of her sister's death every night, causing her to lose sleep (and results in her having eyebags). also, she started eating less and loses weight as a result. her skin turns paler from the lack of sunlight she gets from staying at home (she used to go out with yeoreum everyday to hang out with people).
- more tba
- the promise : when the cho twins were 8, they made a promise with each other:
yeoreum and yeorin were lying on the carpet of the family room watching a movie and giggling. they see a scene where a pair of siblings promise to always be there for each other.
yeorin looks over to yeoreum and asks,"we'll always be together, right?"
yeoreum beams and says, "forever."
they pink promise and stamp on the promise to make it official.
what the cho siblings didn't know was that the promise would be broken 10 years later. what happened to forever?
- memory mixtape : yeorin has a box of video tapes that she plays on her tv after the death of yeorin. every single day, she picks out a tape to watch and sits in front of the tv for hours watching it while crying. there's always one scene that she rewinds back for several hours.
- scrapbook : yeorin also has a scrapbook she made that she likes to look at. it's filled with memories of the group.
- the aftermath : after yeoreum's death, yeorin refuses to ride any type of transportation that runs with an engine. she now either walks or bikes to her destination. she also has nightmares of her sister's death every night, causing her to lose sleep (and results in her having eyebags). also, she started eating less and loses weight as a result. her skin turns paler from the lack of sunlight she gets from staying at home (she used to go out with yeoreum everyday to hang out with people).
- more tba
< / cnnctns > (scroll in the poem section! ** means stop scrolling)
초여름 : cho yeoreum (18) // twin sister // fc: park sunyoung
초여진 : cho yeojin (28) // older sister // fc: ryu sera
박명철 : park myunchul (18) // best guy friend // fc: lee hyunwoo
(could be another applicant)
(could be another applicant)
이준규 : lee jungyu(18) // yeoreum's boyfriend // fc: park jae
TW: MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE
< / reaction to the "incident" > yeorin remembers coming into and out of consciousness. all of her friends were strewn about the road; some unconcious, others crying from pain. a huge gash ran down the inside of her thigh, and the pain she felt was excruciating.
the sound of sirens came closer and closer, and relief washed over yeorin. 'good,' she thought, help was coming for her friends.' a pair of arms pulled her up, and the pain on her thigh intensifies. yeorin flinches, but the person continues to pull her up in order to bring her to a stretcher. yeorin - almost lazily - rolled her head back to look at the car. flames surronded the vehicle, and at the top of the roof. it was almost mesmerizing, how the flames danced in the air. she saw a dark shadow in the driver's seat and then she realized,
she broke free from their hold and ran towards the car. she had to save yeoreum. she had to save yeoreum. she had to save yeoreum. the flames seemed to mock her; a monster that swallowed her sister whole with its mouth. just as she was about to touch the edge of the fire, a sharp pain hits against her head.
yeorin woke up to a cacaphony of sounds. the hushed voices of the nurses, the telephone ringing in the background, sobbing from those who lost a friend. the white walls blinded her eyes, and she shuts her eyes tightly to block out the light. when she reopens them, she groggily looks around the room to get a sense of where she was. a hospital. why am i in a hospital? she watches as a blurry figure walks towards her bed. as the figure becomes recongizable, he tells her something that she can't comprehend. yeoreum is dead. she lies on her bed, and then the wave of memories come back.
yeoreum is dead
"what do you mean she's dead," yeorin screams. her usual calm composure gone at the thought of her twin sister, her best friend, her soulmate not at her side anymore. she tries to rip out the tubes connected to her body in order to run over to yeoreum's room to see if it was true. the person with her panics and quickly calls in the nurses to help calm her. nurses crowd her bed as they tell her to calm down. but how can she calm down? her sister was dead. she screams, kicks, snarls, bites, but it was to no avail. a sharp pinprick on her arm brought her mind back into the embrace of darkness.
the second time yeorin wakes up, she takes the news much more calmly. the gleam in her eyes is gone.
yeorin wears all white to yeoreum's funeral. people stare and whisper about her, but she doesn't care. this is what yeoreum would want. yeoreum always liked the color white. liked, past tense, it's painful to use past tense to think about yeoreum. she smiles and thanks people for coming to the funeral, keeping all the tears and cries she wants to let out inside of her.
she stands in front of everybody on the stage,and reads the speech she prepared for this day. yeorin talks about her sister; how she was the bright light for everybody, how she always helped others, how she was the best sister she could ever have. everybody cries, and some tears slip out of yeorin as well. she ends the speech with "this may be a goodbye today, but it will be a hello tomorrow." she walks off stage and goes to a private bathroom. yeorin cries.
her sister, yeojin, pulls her aside at one point and asks if she's okay. "of course i'm okay. yeoreum wouldn't want me to be sad at her funeral since she would say we would meet again one day." yeorin smiles at yeojin, hiding what she was actually feeling inside. i'm not okay, i will never be okay.
yeojin stares at yeorin's smile. there was something familiar about it. when the funeral ends, the answer struck yeojin.
the sound of sirens came closer and closer, and relief washed over yeorin. 'good,' she thought, help was coming for her friends.' a pair of arms pulled her up, and the pain on her thigh intensifies. yeorin flinches, but the person continues to pull her up in order to bring her to a stretcher. yeorin - almost lazily - rolled her head back to look at the car. flames surronded the vehicle, and at the top of the roof. it was almost mesmerizing, how the flames danced in the air. she saw a dark shadow in the driver's seat and then she realized,
her sister is sitll in the car
her sister is still in the car
HER SISTER IS STILL IN THE CAR.
adrendaline kicked into her veins, and suddenly she struggled against the paramedics. yeorin pulled against them; thrashing, sobbing, screaming " my sister! my sister! somebody save my sister!"her sister is still in the car
HER SISTER IS STILL IN THE CAR.
she broke free from their hold and ran towards the car. she had to save yeoreum. she had to save yeoreum. she had to save yeoreum. the flames seemed to mock her; a monster that swallowed her sister whole with its mouth. just as she was about to touch the edge of the fire, a sharp pain hits against her head.
yeorin woke up to a cacaphony of sounds. the hushed voices of the nurses, the telephone ringing in the background, sobbing from those who lost a friend. the white walls blinded her eyes, and she shuts her eyes tightly to block out the light. when she reopens them, she groggily looks around the room to get a sense of where she was. a hospital. why am i in a hospital? she watches as a blurry figure walks towards her bed. as the figure becomes recongizable, he tells her something that she can't comprehend. yeoreum is dead. she lies on her bed, and then the wave of memories come back.
yeoreum is dead
"what do you mean she's dead," yeorin screams. her usual calm composure gone at the thought of her twin sister, her best friend, her soulmate not at her side anymore. she tries to rip out the tubes connected to her body in order to run over to yeoreum's room to see if it was true. the person with her panics and quickly calls in the nurses to help calm her. nurses crowd her bed as they tell her to calm down. but how can she calm down? her sister was dead. she screams, kicks, snarls, bites, but it was to no avail. a sharp pinprick on her arm brought her mind back into the embrace of darkness.
the second time yeorin wakes up, she takes the news much more calmly. the gleam in her eyes is gone.
yeorin wears all white to yeoreum's funeral. people stare and whisper about her, but she doesn't care. this is what yeoreum would want. yeoreum always liked the color white. liked, past tense, it's painful to use past tense to think about yeoreum. she smiles and thanks people for coming to the funeral, keeping all the tears and cries she wants to let out inside of her.
she stands in front of everybody on the stage,and reads the speech she prepared for this day. yeorin talks about her sister; how she was the bright light for everybody, how she always helped others, how she was the best sister she could ever have. everybody cries, and some tears slip out of yeorin as well. she ends the speech with "this may be a goodbye today, but it will be a hello tomorrow." she walks off stage and goes to a private bathroom. yeorin cries.
her sister, yeojin, pulls her aside at one point and asks if she's okay. "of course i'm okay. yeoreum wouldn't want me to be sad at her funeral since she would say we would meet again one day." yeorin smiles at yeojin, hiding what she was actually feeling inside. i'm not okay, i will never be okay.
yeojin stares at yeorin's smile. there was something familiar about it. when the funeral ends, the answer struck yeojin.
yeoreum used to smile like that.
< / how are they after "the incident" >
the first week after the funeral, yeorin shuts out everybody. whenever somebody would try to talk to her, yeorin would look at them and then walk away. she moves out of her bedroom and sleeps in the guest bedroom. the pictures of yeoreum and her smiling on her bedroom wall were too much for her.
on the second week, yeorin moves into yeoreum's bedroom. she desperately tries to pretend yeoreum is with her. it doesn't work.
on the third week, yeorin slowly integrates herself into the group of friends again. she's still not over the death of yeoreum, but this is what yeoreum would want her to do. she comforts those who are still crying, and smiles fakely at those who greet her. the hole inside of has gotten bigger instead of smaller.
on the fourth week, yeojin finds a box full of video tapes. the video tapes are filled with memories. the next day, the box disappears.
during the second month, yeorin noticeably tunes out the conversations around her and always has to be pulled back into the living world. she writes a lot more poems in her notebook, and all the poems are about yeoreum. her family worries about her, and her friends (except for myungchul, it's always myungchul she thinks) are unaware.
after three months, her parents decides that yeorin should go through therapy after continuously waking up to yeorin's screams in the middle of the night. they are concerned of yeorin's well-being. she doesn't blame them, yeorin would to. during the first session, yeorin just stares at the therapist. he can't help her. he isn't yeoreum. the therapist talks to her parents and asks a few questions. her parents then hands her a piece of paper. she looks at it.
diagnosis: depression
that was what the paper in her hand read. yeorin's body started trembling, and sobs racked her body. yeojin enveloped her into a hug saying that she can get throught this, but yeorin thinks otherwise. without yeoreum, she can't do anything.
it was time to take her medication again. she places a pill inside , and washes it down with water. yeorin recoils at the taste. it tasted absolutely awful. yeorin looks down, and blankly stares at the bottle of pills in her hand. a single thought runs through her mind. if she takes a few more, she can see her sister again . . . that doesn't sound too bad.
on the second week, yeorin moves into yeoreum's bedroom. she desperately tries to pretend yeoreum is with her. it doesn't work.
on the third week, yeorin slowly integrates herself into the group of friends again. she's still not over the death of yeoreum, but this is what yeoreum would want her to do. she comforts those who are still crying, and smiles fakely at those who greet her. the hole inside of has gotten bigger instead of smaller.
on the fourth week, yeojin finds a box full of video tapes. the video tapes are filled with memories. the next day, the box disappears.
during the second month, yeorin noticeably tunes out the conversations around her and always has to be pulled back into the living world. she writes a lot more poems in her notebook, and all the poems are about yeoreum. her family worries about her, and her friends (except for myungchul, it's always myungchul she thinks) are unaware.
after three months, her parents decides that yeorin should go through therapy after continuously waking up to yeorin's screams in the middle of the night. they are concerned of yeorin's well-being. she doesn't blame them, yeorin would to. during the first session, yeorin just stares at the therapist. he can't help her. he isn't yeoreum. the therapist talks to her parents and asks a few questions. her parents then hands her a piece of paper. she looks at it.
diagnosis: depression
that was what the paper in her hand read. yeorin's body started trembling, and sobs racked her body. yeojin enveloped her into a hug saying that she can get throught this, but yeorin thinks otherwise. without yeoreum, she can't do anything.
"life goes on." for everybody yes. for yeorin, no.
it was time to take her medication again. she places a pill inside , and washes it down with water. yeorin recoils at the taste. it tasted absolutely awful. yeorin looks down, and blankly stares at the bottle of pills in her hand. a single thought runs through her mind. if she takes a few more, she can see her sister again . . . that doesn't sound too bad.
< / what were they doing before it happened >
a few days before the "incident," yeoreum and yeorin got into a huge fight. when yeorin walked into yeoreum cutting herself, yeorin just stared and waited until yeoreum put the knife down. she walked towards her twin sister and started to silently clean and bandage the wound. after yeorin was finished, she told yeoreum "i waited too long for you to tell me this, but now i can't stay silent." yeorin tried to understand her sister, she really tried, but yeoreum wouldn't take it. their conversation grew louder and louder until they were screaming at each other. both yeorin and yeoreum cried as they separated from each other.
silence. both sisters wouldn't look at each other, and the tension was palpable. this was their first serious fight, and it worried their family. when it was the day to go on the trip, yeorin decides to apologize to yeoreum. it was her fault for starting the conversation when yeorin wasn't ready, and she didn't want to start the trip with bad feelings between the both of them. yeorin accpeted the apology and they hugged. everything seemed alright once again.
during the ride, yeorin was laughing and listening to myungchul. he was telling her how the cashier at the ice cream store was totally hitting at him while reenacting the scene with another guy as the cashier. yeorin noticed the uncharacteristic silence form yeoreum and she asked her sister what's wrong. yeoreum turned to face them and there were tears rolling down her cheeks. she whispered, "i'm sorry."
yeorin saw a pair of headlights coming closer and closer, and she screamed. the action startled the rest of the group, but it was too late. the car slammed into the front of the car they were in, and at that moment,
silence. both sisters wouldn't look at each other, and the tension was palpable. this was their first serious fight, and it worried their family. when it was the day to go on the trip, yeorin decides to apologize to yeoreum. it was her fault for starting the conversation when yeorin wasn't ready, and she didn't want to start the trip with bad feelings between the both of them. yeorin accpeted the apology and they hugged. everything seemed alright once again.
during the ride, yeorin was laughing and listening to myungchul. he was telling her how the cashier at the ice cream store was totally hitting at him while reenacting the scene with another guy as the cashier. yeorin noticed the uncharacteristic silence form yeoreum and she asked her sister what's wrong. yeoreum turned to face them and there were tears rolling down her cheeks. she whispered, "i'm sorry."
yeorin saw a pair of headlights coming closer and closer, and she screamed. the action startled the rest of the group, but it was too late. the car slammed into the front of the car they were in, and at that moment,
.
.
.
yeorin lost the light of her life.
< / commnts > because there's always one person who can't get over the death of a sibling or friend no matter how hard they try. i want to apologize beforehand if anything i wrote misrepresented people who go through depression. i researched about it and i know some people who are going through it, but i still want to apologize if i did misrepresent people who go through depression. soulmates do not have to be a love interest, but rather a person you connect with in a deep level. also, park myungchul is not a love interest but a person that can help yeorin grow as a person. i don't think yeorin can love (or even like) somebody at the state she is in after yeoreum's death. i didn't write much for yeojin or junggyu since i wasn't sure how you wanted them to be. i tried making her connections open so you could expand on it however you wanted to. you can search up the meanings of the flower i used for each person if you want. please do i was tired and sad by the time i got to the connections part (i left it last), that's why its so bad haha.
i tried a new writing style for the letter to yeoreum and interview. i don't know how i feel about it. halfway in making the app, i remembered that luna had a twin sister haha so the drawing part of the app was inspired by luna's twin sister. this is the first time i used mbti and alignment so i'm pretty sure i used the wrong ones for her hahaha oh well (mbti description from this website).
i really want to explain the metaphors of heaven to yeoreum and earth to yeorin... so i will :) it was supposed to be longer but i got tired by the time i worked on it :( i'll just tell u if i added more to it
also, yeorin means 'weak, feeble,' and cho means 'group or companion.' together you can interpret the meaning of her name as her being the weak link in the group of friends? like while everybody is slowly moving on from yeoreum's death, she still can't get over it and gets upset with everybody.
i had to add borders by amber in the playlist, because i feel like the song really fits the story. THERES SO MANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES OMG ESPECIALLY VERB TENSES. I CRINGE. i'll fix those later.
i tried a new writing style for the letter to yeoreum and interview. i don't know how i feel about it. halfway in making the app, i remembered that luna had a twin sister haha so the drawing part of the app was inspired by luna's twin sister. this is the first time i used mbti and alignment so i'm pretty sure i used the wrong ones for her hahaha oh well (mbti description from this website).
i really want to explain the metaphors of heaven to yeoreum and earth to yeorin... so i will :) it was supposed to be longer but i got tired by the time i worked on it :( i'll just tell u if i added more to it
also, yeorin means 'weak, feeble,' and cho means 'group or companion.' together you can interpret the meaning of her name as her being the weak link in the group of friends? like while everybody is slowly moving on from yeoreum's death, she still can't get over it and gets upset with everybody.
i had to add borders by amber in the playlist, because i feel like the song really fits the story. THERES SO MANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES OMG ESPECIALLY VERB TENSES. I CRINGE. i'll fix those later.
< / questns > what is this app? why did playing around with the code of this app take such a long time? are you doing cameos for this story too? did this make you frown sadly? can lee hyunwoo be my best friend?
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