Yea. I probably am.had enough. It's getting too much. Pretending it's totally fine. I.. I think someone really wants me to cry. Heh. It's not that I have it rough. Others have it worse. But it's getting too much. I'm ing weak.

I don't think my parents understand what they are doing. My sister got into an argument with me just an hour ago (I barely got home, first she ratted on about how bad I dressed and then...) She asked me to bring her tea because her stomach hurt. I did. Was too cold. Drank it still. She asked for another. This time it was hot. Put it next to the bed on her. She moved wrong and it poured on her. 

I apparently dunked the whole thing on her and she was zapped by the electricity. I did this because I'm jealous? Or maybe something else? Don't remember the full reason now. 

I'll be honest. I'm bad with money. ed up a few things. Now.I have to pay to live in my house and get food and stuff. Parents don't exactly agree on this but..mother knows best. She doesn't get that I get way less money this semester. Pretty much barely any is left after this. But I can't even call this money anything. It's not rent it's not help it's not money I give her. It's not her money it's not my money...

The past two years I lost the will to get up. I used to be more active but...it passed. I can barely roll out of bed each morning. I can't sleep but I can't do anything just..lie. It's getting too much. I wish my want for food would pass too tho. Then thry would stop bullying me about my weight. I have some extra on but I don't think my sister has the right to talk about it the way she does.

I'm losing control. I stutter. I don't want to be home but I don't want o be out either. When I'm out with friends it's okay but then I get home... 

I don't know what to do. Sometimes I want to just.hide. or worse. It's not only my family. Everything feels bad. I do.something and for a moment it's okay but then I find mistakes and...

I can't focus I can't study I can't write I can't ing talk the way I want. I decide to pay attention in class but then I doze off. I'm jumpy. I had to walk home today in the dark and I was on the brink of running. Shakily. I.. I just feel like I'm losing my grip on sanity. 

I won't do anything rash but... I feel like it could be easier. I don't even fully get why I was blamed today ( I do admit not jumping to help my sister but she shrieks like this at everything, how should I know it actually got on her? She also felt well enough to bang my door against the wardrobe multiple times.)

Whatever. Gonna get over it just needed to rant. School's out from tomorrow so I'll sleep a lot. And maybe get a lot of tea. Heh.