(I know I posted this in my porfolio but I felt like posting it here, too. It's long so..only read if you wish haha :P)

Even for me it's hard to believe that more than three years had passed since I first touched gimp. It's funny because it seems like more time had passed :D I always think I was like.. 15 or so when I started it, when I was like... 18 I think? Kind of odd. I decided to dedicate a post to some of my thoughts. I will be posting several of the posters I've done, too, mainly as examples to certain things. You can skip the rambling if you want to but I think it's sort of... well, useful to sometimes read some other people's thoughts lol. I'm not a very interesting person tho. *shrugs*.

First of all. Quite a few times when I talk to people and like, they see what I do, they go 'omfg I could never do this' despite the fact that even I'm nowhere near the pros yet. I still need a few more years and I'm proud of that. But guys, ever heard of confidence or hope? No one on Earth was born knowing what to do in PS or GIMP or other programs. Everyone.needs.practice.

Think of it this way: when you learnt to walk, you probably fell a couple times. And no one really cared. You fell, cried a bit (or a lot, like I probably did), and tried again. And again and again. Do you still fall at every second step? 

Probably not. My point here is that just because we live in a modern world with gadgets that can do whatever we want for us, we can't expect to learn everything in a snap of our fingers. Sure, natural talents exist, and I'm sure that they roam aff, too, but not EVERYONE is like that. The majority needs to practice, practice, practice. 

Then again, three years ago I expecred the same things. I thought that the moment I download GIMP I will be the best in it. 

well. 

let's see how that went, eh?

squeamish, eh? And you know what? I thought they were the best thing in the world. Because I!!! made them. Not someone else, not a pro who worked 235235 times better than I did. Sure, I knew that I still had a whole lot to learn, but who doesn't? I kept going even though my posters were quite..ugly, haha. Looking back I don't even know why I kept going. The present me would have given up for sure. 

There a few bumps on the road, honestly. I appkied to shops, they didn't accept me, I felt all kinds of sad and blamed everyone but myself (that's me for ya, lol). I promised to work hard but obviously that's not what was needed at that point. The very first request I ever did was this one. I actually ended up remaking it in like.. December or January maybe? The requester lost the link to the BG I think and I was like 'LEMME REDO IT PLEASE'. The second in this row is the redo. 

as you can see, a lot of things changed. First of all, I learnt how to find HQer pics :PPP I still have issues with this or that, but... the second is considerably better. It was also made in PS lol. 

At that time, I still made some practce posters.. even though sometimes I had some requests. I made a 'horror' one one time, and well the result wasn't exactly pretty. But to me it meant the world ya know. Years later, I made some other horror edits. One is from about 1,5 or so year ago if I recall well, the next is from this winter or so. So, first is my first, and then the next two are newer.

As you can see, things changed on these, too. Especially typography wise (they all have red tho so yea :D similar in a way)

Funnily enough I made a couple edits in the first few months that I still view as OK. Especially because of the colors haha :3 You can't really go wrong with monochrome. (okay, you can but still)

The next couple months or so consisted of edits like this :D Not great, but getting there. And there, was switching to PS.

Okay, I'll be honest.

It was hard. Heck, I think it was the hardest thing I ever did. I COULDN'T EVEN BLEND I WAS SO MUCH OF A NOOB. I would do some of the poster in GIMP, then do the finish in PS. Eh. Not proud of that really. But... I still went on and on :) Aaaaaand hated myself for it because I felt like a piece of poop a lot lol

I'll be honest. My comedy skills are still just the same as the last two posters here :D I.. that's just not my genre :P

I started fooling around more. I read a lot of tutorials but a ton didn't really work for me. I just... went after my own head. Invented my own little tricks. I may make a chapter once to reveal them haha :P

I also found and overused topaz :D I.. tried, okay? :P

The next era was of randomly trying whatever I thought would fit. Sometimes the result was..interesting. 

Thinking back, there were times when I wanted to just give up. But I didn't because I would have been stupid to do it. Sure, it was tedious work to mess around so much but..the result was always satisfying. I grew a lot as a person, too. Time passed, I matured. Got into other stuff, but never lost the want to do more and more posters. I was sluggish by then, tho (still am, I make a poster 2 times at least before I actually publish it :D) 

I had hiatuses and days when I didn't stop, just made posterspostersposters. Sometimes I felt down, sometimes I felt like the best gal 'round. Stuff changed, life went on, and well... I started looking for a style. I always liked collages but doing them was loooong and mine are bad, so I couldn't stick with them. But blending was meh, too. And, honestly, nothing else screamed 'HEY PICK ME' to me. I ended up just running around from style to style. Still do that sometimes. And I don't think it's wrong. Honestly, is it better when 10 posters of the same person look the same? I know it's rare, but I don't think we should thrive for this just because 'then they can tell that you made it'. If not having a style is your style, then embrace it :) Just do what you want, you know. Even when you think you are crappy. I do. (okay, this is partially a cheermyselfuppost because angst is happening but IDC SUNSHINE HAPPINESS EVERYWHERE OKAY?)

I always admired the posters where there were a ton of props (from anyimals to other stuff) manipulated into the scenery and they looked more or less real. So... I tried to recreate it. First is sort of the past, middle is a couple months ago, the third is like..3 days ago? The only thing they have in common is what I wanted to do with them. 

I was at the stage of 'either good or REALLY bad for a long while... Iiii decided not to post much more of it, but you can see all of them on the link below (woow, I sound like a youtuber xD imgur refuses to let me embed my portfolio xDD)

Gradually, through a ton of struggling and laughter and tears, I reached the point I am at today. Still not perfect, still cheating myself through it (with my secrets, haha), but I reached it. And it makes me proud, you know. Because I tried, and failed, but tried again. And.,.succeeded. Sorta. I guess. So my advice to anyone in doubt right now is to NEVER GIVE UP. Nothing in like comes to you if you decide that you can't do it and just shrug it off. Do you know why? It wouldn't be fun if you did. Many times fighting for something makes it a whole lot better. It makes the prize sweeter, you know :D

I will end this with my latest things. If you have any questions about them or just wanna argue about something, feel free to do it :D I want to see what people think of what I said lol.I feel like these days we just..don't have any confidence. (says the one who has none, I know). We need to believe in ourselves. Hopefully in 3 more years I'll be here still, coming back with MUCH better posters. Because.. I know that I will get better. Just like everyone else.

PS.: Let your creativity run free. If you like a texture or stock or anything, USE it, If it doesn't work the first time, try another way to include it in your work. You'll eventually figure out what to do with it. Like me and curtains haha. I...always loved the stocks btu was crap at placing them :D 

So. the full album of my fails and wins is HERE. Feel free to check it out :D