''Rather to be f**ed by a then like her''

Today it happend...At first I had a fantastic day with my mom as we went out to shop some decor for our house.

But then, evening came and after i washed floor and wanted to rest i read a group conversation. In my school we are one small group of friends and u know, we sit beside each other and joke and so on. We got new....well old classmate and he is year older then us but he got kicked from school because he had to serve his sentence in jail. But now, he's back and his eyes are constantly on our group. We even started to make small marks and count how many times our eyes meet! Well in one day he looked at us...well stared at us more then 67 times. We call him sociopath....no reason for it, we just had to put something bad cause he is idiot and his thoughts about people are similiar to Hitler. 

As i said, i got into the group conversation and one of my friend, let's call her D, texted that mr. Sociopath texted her that he likes our friend, S. But then he added that my friend D, T are also hot but my friend S is the T.O.P. So we were joking and saying ''Hhahahah not even in million yearssss'' or as i qoute ''I wanna jump out of the balcony, but the only thing that's keeping me alive is, that maybe he won't be at school tomorrow.'' 

I said ''Hhahahahah Thanks God he didn't mention me" well.....he did.....i never wanted attention from him i just wanted him to ignore me? But my friend D sent a screenshot of the conversation and mr Sociopath said ''Dana? I rather get ed by a in my then like her" .....u know i'm a tought girl, i can say my opinion but there is this thing that can make me just break down. For years i have been bullied on how i look. I had chronic acne, and i got rid of it! I was fat and now i am thin and lost all the weight! I just...i don't want attention i just simply wanna be normal and for once.....for once i want to hear from male human ''You are pretty'' and not because of pity or because i ''begged''....just...in normal conversation. 

My biggest fear is, that i will never find a man who will love me...because i've been told whole my life by others that im ugly. I'm so scared to die unloved....Believe it or not this year i will be 19, and i never dated anyone. Nope, never ever. And now i see others going out and i just feel....not lonely..but idk how to describe it! Is it fear? Or do i feel unwanted perhaps...Maybe i'm coming of the age and i want a companion which is not my 4 friends and my parents. 

I don't want relationship like....no cause my life is hectic now! I'm moving out, and next year im graduating then university and phuuuuu so much chaos i just want someone to tell me that 100% i will find someone who loves me...Because after those words i heard today i feel like....again im at the start where i was so many years ago.

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luludeer7_abcdEXO88m #1
You know dear, it's his retarded opinion, he's not sane based on what i've read
Im turning 20 and never have i ever dated anyone and guess what Im a happy little plant! Things happen for a reason dear, everything happens for a reason. So free your mind of those worries, sit back and enjoy life, go out more, get lost to places you've never been before, throw those negativities out and look outside of your window, look how much much more beautiful life is, and maybe someday, along your way in exploring, you'll get to meet that person that was meant to erase those bad memories, and all the wait would be worth it!
So cheer up! Smile more, you're beautiful
(^з^)-☆
Yue97BAL #2
And honestly you should NOT care about a psycopath's opinion ! He's crazy and his eyes are filled with
Yue97BAL #3
Omg I know how you feel ! I'll turn 19 this year too and I've never dated and nobody has ever been interested in me (but I actually haven't been interested in anybody either haha)... I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me, I think that there is but I just don't know how to change that? I can relate so much to you, lately I've been struggling with myself and society... I would say, don't let it bother you ! (it bothers me too actually... I don't want to still be a at like 22 years old ><) People our age care about looks a lot because we're young and everything, but don't worry you WILL find someone who really likes you ! Actually, several people will love you ! Maybe something (like our history) is keeping us from dating? I know it seems weird but it's often like that
Anyway, don't worry too much about your appearance. You are fine as you are, you are pretty as you are and you will find someone, one day, who will start to appreciate you, and then find you pretty, and then y, and love you ! Don't be depressed about that :)
lilmisscoco #4
Hey, I know this is a little late but, I'm turning 19 this year too and haven't even had a guy interested in me let alone date someone. Babe, there is a guy out there that will love you and chesise your entire being. And yeah, college life is hectic and stressful and for a little while longer it's gonne be hard but once you move out, get a job and settle in life will fall into perspective and move along smoothly and listen, no matter what some douche bag says or what others say there will be a guy or 2 or 3 (because I believe that you need to have at least 2 romantic relationships to get the hang of it, or the first one is the one.) Who are there JUST FOR YOU, it'll happen gurl. Just give it some time. You do you, and watch the magic take place. ^•^
Cougousterstixs #5
Well, I think there are a lot of people who already answered you and gave you strength (I hope) so I won't say much but I still want you to know that maybe you aren't the "ideal type" created by the society with stupid criteria but nobody really is and I'm not sure that those who are a little bit skinnier and clear-faced than you don't have other complex that will make them feel like you, unconfident and scared of people's look and judgments. What men think is really NOT what matters, if they can't like you for your brain and speech, then they are not worthy. It's really cliché to say those things but it's kind of true : if you show self-confidence and accept yourself (the most important part being liking yourself and be satisfied of your work) people who really matters (like your future dozen of boyfriends and husbands and friends and family) won't care one bit about your physic. I can't really say that I've experienced that sort of bullying but know that I'm not really sure of my body myself even if I'm doing effort and that I didn't date anybody in 19 years of existence ! And it's okay !!
Anyway you're an awesome writer who have got friends and a sane body too so please cheer up a bit ! Fighting !!
Akie-chan #6
Be yourself. Don't care about what other people say. They aren't right. They don't know who you are. Just show them that you're really strong and more clever person than them. Don't let their malicious comments to get you. I was just 15 or 16 when my schoolmates were talking about me as I've done something bad. I had chronic acne too. I couldn't get rid of it, and whenever they saw me, they started to whisper something like 'that's really ugly girl' or 'she has so fat ' (I do have big , but I'm so proud of it, 'cause it doesn't matter which chair I sit on, every time it feels comfortable :D). It was hard, but I've found my two precious friends who are helping me a lot even now. :) If you feel lonely, believe that in this big world is someone, who is looking for you. I understand that waiting for the one "right" is long, but don't think about it. When that day comes, it just comes.
Sillence #7
Hey. This situation kof yoirs fits me erfectly. Not that i habe a sociopath that i know of staring at me but the relationship kind of thing is pretty similar to mine. I am 20 this year also never had a relationship and don't rly want one bc of my life style. I took medication since i was a kid and am fat... like omg i have to stop eating and the medz... i feel you in so many ways. I read this nd i saw me sitting in front of the computer writing these words because i understand how everything must feel like even though our situation are different it thinks and feels different. I don't even knowwhat tonsay but that there will be guys liking u in the future or are it already unknown to u. It's always like that. I have seen and heard a lot so don't be afraid. U should not compare u to others but there are other people who are a little big and have boyfriends or whatever. It's just not your time and maybe we have to wait longer but better there is a person who loves u how u are instead of someone who is only half-heartily with u. I always think that i maybe shouldn't wait but do something and search but i am uncomfortable with going to bars or clubs, dancing. So it's my faut thwt i am still single but i am not like that. There are other ways to find someone.
Fighting!
kairistao #8
Hey, I still have acne and I'm short and I'm fatter than before and whenever guys approach me, it's always to ask about my hot friends who they like. It hurts to know so many guys are chasing all my unavailable friends when I'm here like OuO pick me pls for once. But I promise you, while you may feel alone now, when you've finally met The One, you'll be one of the few people in life to experience love without previous heartbreaks. There'll be nothing to haunt you, nothing to remind you that "oh, I fought like this with ((an ex's name)) and we never lasted, will this guy break up with me too?". Love in that sense will be pure, and it'll definitely make up for all the loneliness you feel now. People may not like you for what you used to look like, but let me tell you this- I appreciate you for who you are. I don't care how you look, I don't care if you've been an acid victim or anything. I like you so much because of your bubbliness, your strength, your abilities and you. And if a guy can't appreciate you for being you, then let him be because he's the one who's losing out. Love you so much Dana <33333
jongwoobaekdaekyu #9
Maybe I don't have chronic acne like you but i do have really bad skin and I really ashamed of it. I know how you feel a bit because even I'm not been bullied but I do have low self esteem. Everyday when I met people I just hope someone never mention about my bad skin but unfortunately some of them will of course mention it and it makes me stress. Now my skin become ok but I don't have thin body like you but still not in fat categorize. What I wanna tell you is you need to believe yourself. Now with your skin better and you're not your old self so let them say anything they want but only you know yourself better. You just 19. You still so many years a head so don't give up on love and yourself. I'm 26 and I never give up to find my true love. I know you never dates anyone but for myself even I did dates two times when I'm 18 but after that I decided to find my true love and believe or not now I'm in my 7 years alone. I know and believe one day someone who really appreciate and love me dearly will show up. So don't give up and strive you day a head with a proud.
kyg-pyeol #10
Don't listen to that loathsome brat. If he wants a , so be it. I'm sure there is someone out there for you that you truly deserve. Guys like him are stupid and only care for appearances. I may not know how you look but everyone is beautiful in there own way. And I'm 100% sure there is someone out there that has thought you are beautiful, sadly we can't hear thoughts. I've never had someone called me beautiful that isn't my family and even had a friend called me "not pretty, just average" so it hurts. But anyway, you're 19 and still got a lot to look forward too! I'm older than you and only dated one guy and that failed because he was a man looking for and I was the girl that wanted to wait til marriage. Oh well. Either way, someone is made for you out there and one day, he'll show up. It's just not your time yet. ^^
Annieland #11
We are never alone in this world. Let it be friends, family or strangers, there is always someone there with you. I am about to turn 23, sweetie and only dated once. I wasn't bullied back in school, but I was always self conscious on how I look. It makes me proud to know that you changed for the better, physical wise, that makes you a very strong person.

NEVER CHANGE FOR OTHERS, your personality as it is, is beautiful. Our looks, personalities, and differences are what makes us unique. That guy is a and he will end up without love. No one likes a mean, stuck up little boy that doesn't know what he wants of his life. Cheer up, sweetie because we are all beautiful in our own skin.♥♥♥
flowerboysnextdoor97 #12
i understand how you feel i felt the same way to in school and after awhile i just waited to find the right person to love and once it happen to me i moved out of my grandmother house into my boyfriend house now im a mom and have an amazing family love will come to you you just have to wait because you may never know when it will happen
KissStar #13
I was also bullied in school, and nobody wanted to talk to me from the class - and we have the same classmates from we're 6 til 16-17 years old... but now I live with my lovely boyfriend - who was my best friend - and we have two sweet children, so...
cheer up, the perfect guy for you is out there somewhere... :-D
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