I often encourage you guys not to hate and not to be negative about thing but sometimes I hate my mom. I must sound like a horrible 34 year old but it is my true feelings. 

I've often been told she didn't want to have me and she wanted to have an abortion and when she talks about my brother she always talks about how much love she has for him and how he is her everything. 

I love my brothey but hate my mom. I hate it when she says I am busy I don't have time I am watching t.v. I will call you later because I always push everyone/everything aside for her and favor she needs. I hate the fact I owe her money for things she spent on my while I was a kid up until 2 weeks ago I owed her 4,000.00 for everything. I payed her so I wouldn't have to hear her about it.

Am I a horrible child/daughter? Sometimes I wish she would vanish because it is the same as not having her at all. She's always left me for her boyfriends and I always end up being the second/last choice. when I was 7 she left me living with an aunt for 3 years. Then when I turned 15 we lived in Mexico and she moved in with a guy and left me living alone for almost a year with a maid in an empty house. Then she threw me in a convent for 3 years. 

I just feek like crying. I feel so much hate for her sometimes.