Although most of you have been told anyway, i wanted to update those that showed support for myself and my family, that haven't found out through twitter, Line or other communication.

So as you know our dog Kira wasn't very well and the outcome didnt look good. I'm pretty much going to give you the details of everything that happened, partly for the friends that have wondered but don't want to upset me by asking and also to help me recognise them and hopefully put my mind at rest too.

Kira was put to sleep on Sunday 24th January.

 I woke up that day and i guess we all knew what would have changed by the end of the day. Kira, at this point had given up. She refused to try walking, even when we tried to coax her to take her downstairs as people were coming to visit and see her. She usually slept under my mums bed and although she couldn't get under anymore she managed to get her head under and that was where she stayed. She couldn't get up and go outside to do her business and was wetting herself. Honestly we didn't care. We put towels down to hopefully make it more comfortable for her and just tried to keep her clean and comfortable not giving a damn about the carpets. She had only been drinking water for four days and no food so there really wasn't much mess to be had. 

She very much wanted to be left alone. She would let you and cuddle her but only tolerating it. So we all just visited her or kept in my mums room to keep her company. My oldest brother came to say goodbye earlier. He didn't want to be there when the vets came but insisted we tell him when it happens. 

I texted my dad earlier in the day to let him know what was going on. (my Mum and Dad split up many years ago when i was still a teen. Kira had been their dog together. They had both brought her up and trained her.) He was sad but said he wouldn't come because he had been through the experience before and it was terrible. I understood and just told him to let him know. A couple of hours later, he called again and asked if he could come see her. Obviously it had been on his mind and he wanted to say goodbye. Obviously it was fine. My mum and dad are still friends even after many years of seperation. He came and spent some time with my mum and Kira but left before the vets came. 

My brother martin came for the vet visit. Kira was always by his side. He often went running with her and everyday they did his paper round together. Even after he moved out it he would come in just to see Kira more than anyone else. He wanted to be with her when she went. Eventually the knock on the door came and the Vets arrived. We put our other two dogs in the kitchen and the vets happily went upstairs as Kira was unwilling to move. We apologised for having it in such a small place to which they replied, "Hey this is her choice if this is where she wants to be then its fine by us." My mum held her and cuddled her as Sandra held my mum. Martin her and i stood at the door. I wanted to be there when she went but knew she would be more comfortable with mum and martin giving her love and had already said goodbye and thankyou for the time she gave us. 

They shaved her leg (i kept the fur), Kira was very calm about the whole thing, simply cuddling closer to my mum like she understood. Turning her head away and into mums shoulder when the needle was shown. They slowly injected her and she fell asleep. As she snoozed her heart slowed and the vet listened to her heart. Making a finger notion with every beat until there was no more. Then nodding to say shes gone. I left the room to allow the vets to come out and went downstairs to tell my brothers girlfriend that she was gone. When the vets left i went back up. 

To say we were a mess was a bit understated and honestly obvious. Mum had pulled back and texting my oldest brother. I went to cuddle Kira. Even if she wasn't there anymore. It was strange and you might not like to know this but, i guess its the feel of all of their muscles relaxed because as soon as i touched her i recognised that she was dead. I just snuggled in to her still warm body and told her she was a good girl. My brother (a man of little affection) held my hand. Previously he would never show himself crying at funerals or anything else. He had to be strong for me and my mother although we are a family of "just because i cry doesnt mean i aint going to kick your . It's not a sign of weaknss" he still refused. But he couldnt speak through tears, all he could do is Squeeze our hands. And it was enough. We all knew we were there for each other. 

When we were done we had to make preperations. Mum wanted Kira buried in the back garden. So i helped martin carry her downstairs and lay her on an open blanket in the kitchen. We let our other dogs see her though they didnt make much connection. We then started digging. Four of us working together while my brothers girlfriend made a cup of tea. (not usually something she would do at our house as she was a guest and was served. but she took it on herself as it was a way she knew she could help which we all really appriciated and helped us love her more as another part of our family.) Digging the hole was surpringly entertaining. People would think laughing during a morbid experience would be disrespectful. I have always thought differently though. There is enough grim encounters in our lives that we either laugh them off our stay miserable all our lives. Some people handle grief differently. And whatever the heartbreak, when your brother nearly falls you cant help but joke "If you're going to fall, do it in the grave and save us the job of lifting you."...I guess we all knew we made the right decision and now all we could do is give her a good send off. 

Martin and mum wrapped her in a blanket and carried her into the grave. This is when our dog Effy had a reaction. She was confused where we were taking Kira. We gave her a few minutes before filling it in. In this time she looked down at kira and up at us whining. Asking us to take her out. It broke our hearts. She didn't understand. We kept saying something she did understand. Something that told her what she had, was gone. Usuaully used with treats. "S'all gone." As we kept saying this she moved on to the next person. "Kira's all gone." She sat down infront of each of us for a couple of seconds. Whining and getting comfort but being restless. We started to fill in her grave and Effy watched. When we were gone she sniffed the ground. Wouldn't stop. Eventually we took ourselves inside. Spent some time together before my brother left and we made our ways to bed and whereever we wanted to be. I had work the next day. The tears were on and off for everyone. 

Kira seemed to have an impact on everyones lives. We were all sad to see her go. We are all going to need alot of time to heal. 

Now i left this to the end, because i wanted to say how much i appriciate what the vets did for us. When we called them on Sunday morning and explained the situation, they had a very busy day. They couldn't arrange a house visit. First they offered to open the back door for us and do it in the back of the car but getting kira there was impossible. She hated being carried and couldnt walk. We arranged for them to come on monday but the vet didn't seem quite pleased. She decided to have another word with some people. She came back and explained they didn't want to leave Kira in pain and would come after their shift ended, in their own time. 

This was enough, but they did more. One of the main worried for us is often financial. We were not sure how to afford anything for Kira but knew we were all willing bunch together for whatever we needed. The vets knocked a huge amount of money off for us. At our old vets this would have come to about £250 ($350 approx) but they took off the money for their time and travel. Only paying for what Kira needed which they could not 'hide' from their accountancts. It was £100 ($150 approx). They were so good with Kira and us. They really were amazing people and people that worked for animals not the money they could make from the love people have for their animals. We deffinatly plan to send a thankyou card to them. 

Well i guess thats everything. 

Im ok, Its been a couple of days now and work kept me busy. I still hurt and i still worry but, it'll be ok. We'll all be ok.