You should be used to it but you're really not.

The feeling of these walls closing in you, and the unbearable suffocation. You can't breathe and your lungs are frozen. Everyone expects so much, and that expectation just closes in on you and you don't know what to do with it. You want to scream, but when you open your mouth to do so, you remember you can't because you are a good child, and you mustn't complain even if was thrown at you. You're drowning, and for the life of you, you just can't swim- your limbs feel like heavy leaden burdens on your body. You want to give in and sink, and embrace that cold, dark emptiness with the hopes that maybe, just maybe, everything can be peaceful once again.

But yet you struggle, refusing to give in everyday, with that knowledge that you can't keep this up and one day you will have to give in. You thought you could be happy, and that happiness is given to those who deserve it, but who doesn't deserve happiness? Life throws hard balls at you, and yet you stand still and let yourself get hit. And through all that, you never complain. You were brought up to be the silent, hard-working child. You know when to keep your mouth shut, which is at all times, and you've learnt that no matter what, you have to fend for yourself yet do as you're told to do. You don't get what you want handed on a silver plate. You don't even get what you want no matter how much you strive for it. The effort goes to waste.

Again, you want to scream, but you've lost your voice.

They expect so much from you. They tell you what to do. They dictate your life. You are lost, confused, helpless. You don't want to do what they tell you to do, but you're tired. You can't fight back, and fighting back only meant punishment. You can't stand the punishment, no more than you could stand the failure.

Failure.

It is something you dread. You will get used to it- you are suddenly a helpless, worthless wreck. What you once thought you knew, you don't anymore. You have gone hoarse from the silent screams- the silent yelling for help and direction that fall on deaf ears. You don't know what to do anymore. You want those expectations to stop- you couldn't keep up with them and make everyone happy at once, it was all too much. You couldn't sleep well with all the stress, like a heavy cloud of acid, hovering over you, burning and searing their way into your innermost thoughts and dreams. You want them to stop telling you what to do- you have had enough. But you've lost your voice a long time ago, and you are helpless to defend yourself. How had that happen?

You are sick and tired of being a rag doll- thrown around and doing what others tell you to do. You want to fight back, but you don't know how. Obeying the voices is the only thing you can do. You hate yourself for being weak and try to placate yourself that if any other were put in your shoes, they'd be doing the same thing. But you know you are fooling yourself and you're lying to make yourself feel better.

You try to be strong, but you aren't anymore. You feel the walls crumbling down and what little self-esteem you had shatters. You don't know what happiness means anymore, and not every one gets it. Life is a mess, and yours is beyond that. You know others suffer even more than you do, but you can't help the sinking despair that this isn't going to change- you would be stuck in this repetitive cycle with no escape. You struggle to see the good things in life, and you don't want others to see how much you are suffering. You can hide it well, after all. But one day, you knew you were going to snap and God knows what would happen when you did. You have almost reached your limit.

You stand on that fork road, with two options of lanes to chose from- one leads you to life similar to yours right now, and you know you will have to keep struggling through the torture and self-hatred, but the other leads to a place where everything will be put to an end and you can finally live in bliss.

Which one would you take?