A/N Wow! This is my first time making a real a/n on my blog. What I want to say is that I'm really thankful for those who waste a little of their precious time to read my blog, I love you <3. I know that what I write is not exactly what should be here on this site, but I really feel comfortable sharing this with you. Feel free to comment and tell me what you think if you want.

 

 

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 Time passed and things changed. I changed. I grew up and I'm not the little and innocent me anymore. You should know that...I learned a lot of things about myself this year and I'm being honest when I say that I was scared as myself. But now things are different....

I know who I am and I won't change my mind.There's nothig that would even ask for a 'change my mind' anyway. This is not something you can play with. Sometimes you fight it, sometimes you don't. It's only a matter of time until you get to accept it and take it as it is. But you can't change it, no matter how hard you try. It comes natural. It's part of who I am. And wether you accept it or not, it's your problem, not mine. I ain't gonna occupy my mind with your .

 

That's what makes me worry about the future, though. You make me lose my confidence...But you know, I can be a selfish if I want to. My sign is the lion, so if you play with fire, somebody's gonna get burnt.

 

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SILENCE

 

You wish you had it, but you don't. Your mind is full of dark and twisted thoughts, swirming around as if ready to bring you closer to insanity. The voices only get louder, and even if you try to shut them down, they still laugh at you while they turn you into a shattered piece of glass. Too many broken pieces scattered all over the floor. <> heard them saying. The truth only breaks you more...

 

 

BALANCE

 

You're so broken that you wonder if you ever had it. The feeling seems so foreign that you barely graps its definition. You shake in disbelief, thinking about the moment when balance will finally sink into your bones. And even if you feel further and further away from it each time, you still fight to keep your feet on the ground.

 

 

LOVE

 

 

 

This word has lost its meaning long ago. Even if you say it and mean it, it still feels fake and forced. You wonder if you'll ever be able to fall in love again. Fear and concern settle in your troubled heart, while the tears that fall get dry and bottle up only to fall down once more...

 

 

the truth is...

 

 

 

 

you love her.

 

 

 

 

You figured that out long ago, years even. These words may have lost their meaning, and still they make so much sense. Sometimes you ask yourself if it's only an illusion, an idea implanted deep in your heart and mind. Other times you wonder why are you even doubting your strong feelings. The rithmic thump in your chest chose its purpose and it's sticking to it. GOD DAMN IT!

 

 

 

"And I keep thinking about her

I never knew I could feel this empty..."

 

 

 

You tried to end it so many times, but you couldn't. Or your will wasn't strong enough, that's what I'd say. But no, that wans't the problem.

 

 

 

 

it was the hope.

 

 

 

 

 

You didn't know when to break the connection and cut off the feelings and you got stuck. You silently let it grow inside of you to the point where it became a part of who you are. How can you change yourself? How can you erase a part of your own soul?

 

 

 

"Even so, I keep hoping

Even at the end, if you're with me, I'm ok..."

 

 

 

 

 

Don't cry. Because you know, that won't do you any good. Sooner or later the pain will stop. One day, someone will take your hand and show you what you've missed all these years: love, happiness, peace. 

 

 

 

one day, you will be saved.

 

 

But you know, you just have to bear with whatever is there in your heart and be patient. Better times come for those who wait. Or at least that's what I heard.

 

 

The time we cuddled together still lingers on my mind. It was so unexpected, which is why I was so socked...You held me close to your heart without knowing the truth. Without knowing that you holding me as if feeling guilty for everything, you were actually making it worse. And still I'm the one to feel sorry.

 

 

I miss you. And I'm sorry that everything turned out like this. Time will pass and everything will be all right.

 

 

 

Don't worry, I'll be ok...

 

 

 

Well, in the end, it all comes down to you. Funny, isn't it? I always said that I want to chance the topic of my writings, but in the end it's you that comes to my mind. All the time. Like a drug.

 

 

 

And things won't change until I will be saved. But I hold on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because you're here by my side.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

but as a precious friend that will always support me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 as for the idea of us

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

let it grow old until...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it will wither away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

because

 

 

 

 

 

 

But it’s no use, it’s a dream to be broken
I run and run, but I’m not getting anywhere
Just burn me out, yes
Keep pushing me away
This is a fool, crazy in love, chasing in circles

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it only eats me alive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Run
Don’t tell me bye, bye
Run
You make me cry, cry
Run
Love is a lie, lie
Don’t tell me, don’t tell me
Don’t tell me bye, bye...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Goodbye.