I was trying to be normal, because I know I'm not. It was not the main idea that actually made me stay, it was the emotions, the road I took, the people I met, the friends I came to treat as my in real life family. I chose to stay away, because I was hurt, I'm hurt because it made me happy. It was too late for me to realize it hurts because it makes me happy. It was too selfish of me to think of myself back then, I said I was gonna rest, I did. I was about to comeback, but members are already leaving, members are already getting married, I realized I cannot dream forever. And the confession I can only say through a video I am so ashamed to put my face into is never going to change anything, it was still you, after the longest time you're still the most beautiful person ever existed. Now, I am more matured, I can already say I will be happy with whatever is going to happen, because when I was being selfish back then I forgot the most important thing you ever taught me. Selfless love, is the most pure out of everything. You will never start loving me the way I dreamt 6 years ago. But I will never ever stop loving you. Oppa will not love me, but he loves us, if you can actually call it love. But that's ok. I see you as someone shining so bright, I see you brighter than the other members because my eyes are set to look at you and only you, it's just sad that you only see me as a waving sapphire blue lightstick mixed with the other waving sapphire blue lightsticks. I love the blue, but with all the blue you can't see me at all. Why do I have to fall for you Hyukjae? I may die alone, again I don't care, I regret nothing.. This girl.. This weak hearted girl.. Will only look up to your blinding smile.. With no certainties of what will happen.. I’d still love you with all my heart.. and no matter how hard I try to stop or restrain myself I know I’ll continue falling into this bottomless pit of darkness created by me.. even with the acceptance that you will never.. not even in my dreams.. you will never be mine.. Hyukjae-ah, it's really hard to live because you stole my heart, but you know what? I don't want it back, keep it, do anything you want with it, play with it, throw it, ignore it, I don't care. All I know is that I only want you to have it and not anyone else, because the day I fell in love with you, I told myself that I exist for this person, I only exist for you, no exaggerations. Happy 6 years of Loving you Lee Hyukjae.