Our class discussions always reminded me of debates—the respectable kind of course. Our teacher would start out simple with the current events or maybe our college plans once we’ve dealt with our sharing of high school; it made us all forget it was a Healthful Living class.

Eventually we would drift off into something entirely different from what our main focus should have been pinpointed on, but, nonetheless we would all still indulged in our conversation (it was the only time we all actually looked like sophisticated teenagers) –it was hard to believe we were all still Freshmen.

Our teacher always came up with the most elaborate ways to catch our thoughts and minds onto the lesson (it wasn’t necessary for me, I would rather prefer listening first then playtime later … I always have) at hand--he is a very good man; short tempered but, the absolute epitome of an ‘ambition’. Very admirable, inspiring as well- So Friday was no surprise to me when the familiar question was resurfaced for the nth time during the day …

“What are you thankful for…?”

My first thought was to sigh because what the hell?! people had not stressed that enough today; they all repeated the question as if it were a new hit song or mantra; an annoying tune bouncing of the walls of their head, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t already embedded deep within my skull. If this question was asked six years ago I would have easily let the words spill from my mouth without a moment’s hesitation—sporting you a proud smile just for because it felt that good to say it.

But, now, as the hands are rising and everyone is sharing their reasons of joy, I can only feel embarrassed that mine wasn’t the usual first to rise, it was something I hand to think about surely. But really, it is embarrassing, even now as I just admitted that I actually had to take time and ponder what I was thankful for, you see?

I thought about how a lot has changed in just under a year; my parents made their divorce official, I barely see my mom nowadays—the moments are rare even when we speak on the phone, I just entered a scary place called “high school”—a challenge I still feel that I have yet to overcome, and we just lost the root to our family tree –my great grandmothers’ funeral is this following Saturday.

I am most assuredly not saying my life is depressing, because it is way far from that, I enjoy every single day I have the privilege to wake up and see, I love the people that surround me—even if they may be a total stranger, I make the most of my life … so what can’t I be thankful for?

That is a question I choose to leave unanswered for as long as I live. Why? I believe that even if your world is crumbling down and piling on top of you there is always something to be thankful for, because even if your days may seem dark now you can’t act as if you have never had anything that made you smile once—all this maybe just msoptomist talking, but, it is what I really feel.

So as I sat there still deep in thought and smiled mentally to myself, (because I absolutely refuse to look like a sadistic maniac) I shook my head in meek (to myself once again) because I am so stupid, I am a ing for ever second guessing the things brought my way, I was ashamed to be so selfish, only thinking about what I wanted to be thankful for, instead of what I needed to be thankful for …

I became so entranced in my self-scolding I had forgotten the hand I had unconsciously raised in the air, the teacher called for my name, thus all forty something gazes drifted toward my being—their expectant eyes waiting for words to come, “Well Taylor, come on girl you had a hand raised, speak!”

He is a very impatient man … and hot headed too. You get used to his yelling after the first few weeks (it still makes me jump though … just a little)

Then I did just as he asked…

“Being the introvert person I am I don’t necessarily like being around people, during get together’s I usually just sit around and wait ‘til the days end. It’s really awkward when people I have never seen claim to be my family and greet me with warm (awkward) hugs. I enjoy peace and quiet, but, if there is anything I love—just one thing, it would be when we all gather around to bless our food. It is in the moment when we hold hands in our big circle that I can literally the feel the love radiating off of every person. I feel the serenity and peace when it is just us. It creates an unexplainable feeling that you can’t help but smile to. I love it,” I whispered the last part mainly to myself, but they still heard it.

My teacher smiled at my words, and everyone else agreed with an (highly unnecessary) applause, that was still accepted nonetheless. I just said what I truly felt.

------

All in all I just had to say what was on my mind as always. Sorry for my babbling guys

But I do still have one question ...slap me if you may, but

What are you thankful for?

*slaps*

Happy Thanksgiving you all ^^ Please stay happy and safe! Enjoy your families and remember to always be thankful for those around you! Love you all & Enjoy your holiday!