"Someday, someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you've never seen, they'll look at you like you're everything they've been looking for

 their intire life. Wait for it."

"Imagine waking up next to the one you love every morning."

 A while ago I realised how much sense that sentence made. Faith was on my side (more or less) this time.

 But who knows to what purpose?

 Who knows where this will take us?

 What will we be when this ends?

 Since everything happens for a reason, I want to know our reason.

 There's no way I went through all this just so I can move on and become stronger in the end.

 There has to be something, or that's what I always think.

Well...I have tried several times to stop myself from writing another blog.

Do you wonder why?

If you ask me...

There's no point in holding onto something that's entirely dead and shouldn't exist anymore.

"And I hate to say i love you

When it's so hard for me

And I hate to say I want you

When you make it so clear you don't want me

I'd never ask you cause deep down

I'm certain, I'd know what you'd say

You'd say I'm sorry, believe me

I love you, but not in that way..."

That would me my answer.

But still, the strong feeling in my chest goes mad again and again, as if ready to destroy me completely.

Don't get me wrong, I know that's not your intention.

It's only my wicked mind that runs the game.

And yes, I didn't say heart.

Cause, you see, my heart is already lying there, nearly dead, waiting for help.

Funny how after all these years I'm still a stupid little puppet, acting on someone else's will.

And instead of cutting the ropes completely, I tied my hands up even tighter.

Locking myself like a prisonier in utter madness and recklesness as if I've never given a damn about myself.

Though sometimes my heart gets the best of me.

Or you get the best of me.

And as I look for regrets..

I find none.

Even if I'm not that old, I'd say that I've never loved someone so deeply in my entire life.

Wether I look in your eyes, wether I see a photo of you, wether I only think about you...

My love for you

I grew up meeting new people, making new friends

but everything...the pain, the tears

it's the same.

Some might tell me that I've signed my death sentence by deciding to stay with you, and they might as well be true.

But let's just say that I was fully aware of the consequences.

Or maybe not.

But I had no other way. Once I entered the game, I had to win it.

I wouldn't have taken no as an answer.

It would've been too painful.

And more than that, I wouldn't have imagined things going differently.

It's getting late and I should go to sleep...but still there's no way out of it.

Or there is?

I'm not sure on this one, so I'll just skip this question.

It's so sad how I'm such an idiot.

How time passes me by and all I do is nothing...

but suffering

crying

trying to forget

making myself believe that there's no hope

trying to stop this stupid mess

And ending up failing...

If only something good came out of this...

As a matter of fact, right in this moment as I'm writing this, I consider myself pathetic and useless.

Because in spite of seeing reality as it is, I'm still stuck in all of this.

Anyway, only time will lead us to the end.

And when the time will end

when our time will end...

Should I do something?

or tell you something?

it'd be pointless...

I would only make things worse...and I don't want that...

because

I don't want us to go separate ways on bad terms. 

It would be even harder.

To actually move on once and for all.

After all these years...

The pain will eventually stop.

Anyway...

like I always say...

because I would never be able to sop myself...

I lov--

But now that I think about it, there are many things that are more important, so...

I'll walk to a new life, with or without you.

No matter what it takes.

My attitude will change from "but what if?" to...

NEVERMIND.