Sometimes when you left at your worst and came back as new person to cheer everybody up but they seemed to completely ignore you, it makes you feel real bad and invisible. I wasn't trying to make up something ridiculous but really. Last night I made a blogpost, hoping that someone would at least leave a comment or two but when I saw there wasn't any comment and like I was all alone... is making me upset. I'm trying to get back to them, to those I have missed to exchange opinions but when there was no sign of them over there, I felt dejected.
It feels terrible to be ignored, and I, as an author, too, feel terribly worst when I put up a new chapter of one of my stories and got only the lack of interest from them, I felt way way way exhausted. I've put so much effort to make an update when someone was hoping to read it but when I put it up, and they barely left anything for it, it makes me feel useless. Why does it have to be so hard? When I said I was busy, I truly meant it and when I said I didn't really have much time to spend with writing updates, I was, and am telling the truth.
People never knew how exhausted I am. I did fanarts a lot, just to show them (my parents) that I can make money with it. I want to prove them that their daughter can do well in doing arts and to tell them that their presumptions back then were all wrong. I wrote stories and beginning to learn every way of being a good author just to prove those who made me fail in life that I, too, have something good to show. I swear my english has improved a lot with writings and when I got back to them, a few weeks ago, those who've underestimated me almost see me as a person not a trash. I barely have a rest these days. From 10am-7pm, I'm in the office, working my off, 8pm-1am in the midnight, that's when I spend my time with doing fanarts and I only have Sunday as a day to rest but no, I'm still doing commisions or art challenges on that day.
I'm not begging everyone to care about me and I'm not begging anyone to devote themselves like I am a GOD or something but when it turned out like this, I felt like I shouln't have come back here because nobody is really there when I am trying to find them, and nobody really wants to see me here, so why bother, right?