WARNING: IT IS VERY LONG

Hi guys. So.. I'm writing this is because I want to let my feelings out because I have been holding my feelings to myself for too long. Well, to be honest. I have not bee treated fairly. There is alot of going on in my life and I don't think I can hold it in much more so therefore I decided to let it out here. 

So, I'm from a Chinese family. And as most of you know that I am Chinese have this tradition that they care for their sons more than their daughters because the sons can continue the family line. But mostly that is from the past. But this thing still continue in the 21st century even though they ever admitted. Ok, so I have a younger brother which is only younger than me by 1. But the problem is my parents have been treating me differently from him. For example, they expect me to do everything is is very strict towards me. But for my brother is a total different case. And whenever my brother ask for something they immediately agreed or after a few begging scenes and buy it for him. But as for me, I have to score well for my exams to get the things I wanted. And also, I when my relatives wanted to get something it will always be me even if I am very busy and brother just sit there using is phone. Furthermore, they don't seem to be interested in me. All my cousins ask about my brother more than me and when they are planning to go for movies or have a gathering, they ask my brother first. Luckily, my brother always think of me because since young he follows everything I do and chooses. And follow my decisions. That's what I love about him! 

Secondly, it is friendship problems. I am very shy person and rather to be alone but however I also like to be aroung friends. Sadly, due to the strict parents I have I only got my first phone when I was 12 after my major exam in primary school which I requested if not, I think I have to wait until I reached 13. Which cause me to have only a few numbers of my primary school friends. Not long later, I went to Secondary School and met new friends so do my primary school friends. Due to my shy personality, I rarely start a conversation with my primary school friends and furthermore they have new friends. To be honest, my secondary school friends are not that trustworthy. You could not tell them your secrets. Well, I used to have a tustworthy friend which became my best friend. Sadly, I was not her bestfriend. We became close because she have a fight with one of her good friend and I went to defend her. As that 'good friend' of her is actually a , I have to admit that eventhough I love everyone and willing to be friends with anyone. I don't judge people as much as my friends. So that 'good friend' have a very bad attitude and most of her friends hate it and my best friend, another friend of her and me became really good friends. Soon, the bestfriend of the '' had enough of her and told us she wanted to be friends with us. We welcomed her a lot as we could not stand her being used by the ''. Well, th used her by pushing all the work to her. What a friend. Actually she used to be my bestfriend before I fought with the . Well, the friendship became unstable when another girl wanted to be in our squad. As she can't stand her previous squad. I'm not angry at her because she ruin our trust and friendship. So after she join, I found out they have been ing the 's ex bestfriend, saying she was lazy and always daydreaming and not listening to class and copy the stuff my best friend wrote which is not right. I agreed them at first but soon I found out that I should not be talking about her behind her back. And I stop and do not join them when they are gossiping and just sit there and listen to them. I have not tell them to stop or her that they have been ing about her as I do not wish to see the frienship being broken even it is already broking. I also noticed that my friends have been whispering while looking at me while I am infront of me. As we are from the same class and we coud not with each other. Furthermore, I am sitting the furthest from them. So, I normally miss the things they discussed and when the say about something during break or after school I would be lost and are annoyed with me getting lost. And also I have rejected them to hang out after school as I always like to stay at home which get them upset and said that I'm antisocial. Recently, they have been replying my text in a very cold tone and the group chat is not very active anymore. They have been telling me to be more social but the problem is I have spotted the three of them having fun together and did not invite me and the 's ex bestfriend. It hurt me alot.

So that's the end. I feel much better and also sorry for you guys to read such a long blog. Thank you for reading! :)