So, now I'm half-way calm and have  gathered thoughts.  I decided yet again, it was a good Idea to spew out my thoughts into an angsty letter to someone that in a cliche way taught me a lot about life.

To Lee Hyukjae,

You know, you weren't always my bias 1.5.  In fact , you didn't even make my bias list at the beginning.  I knew you were hot, a good dancer and charming but I think. But somehow, slowly but surely as you caught my eye over and over again you ruined my bias list in such a remarkable fashion but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I think the first time I truly looked at you, was during your performance of "Down" at SS3.  I don't know, there is something so sincere about your voice I hadn't noticed to them and the way you danced just took my breath away.Then in Mr Simple your charisma I can't believe I never really took notice of before blew me away. Slowly, but surely without even noticing it I became entranced with everything about you.  

I became inspired by your upbeat personality and your strength when everything went wrong.  Your ability to have self confidence when everyone, even though it is a joke, says you are ugly.  How you look after your friends and always have their backs.  It is amazing how someone so far away from you, you’ve never seen before in person make such an impression on you.  But you did and slowly I found myself wishing that I had a person like you in my life.  

Before I knew it, I was sobbing when I saw you try and stand tall in ss5 Singapore as you tried to stop the fandom battles and try to stand by Henry and Zhou Mi. It was such a difficult situation, but to stand on stage by yourself and be able to say all of that inspired me.  It was then I finally worked out that you were just as much my bias as Donghae was.  In fact, it had been a long time coming, I had saved more pictures of you then I ever did Kyuhyun.  But nevertheless, you wrecked my bias list and to this day, I knew that I wouldn't have it any other way.  

Since then, I've enjoyed waking up to your tweets, whether they be trolling or pretty selcas.  I've enjoyed cheering for you in varieties.  I’ve enjoyed listening to your voice as I walked to university, giving me strength to face every day with a smile.  All of this just makes me wish I worked out how amazing you were sooner.  Thank you Lee Hyukjae and Eunhyuk, for being nothing but your adorable self.

It's been a day, and I miss you already.  I can't even bring myself to set up the countdown to your release from the army, it still feels so surreal.  You taught me so much about life and I will always be thankful for that.    You’ll never see this letter but I don’t think that is what really counts.  What counts is that , I realise this is not a goodbye.  It is a mere see you later, because I know I’ll be waiting for you on the other side.

Love with all my fangirl heart,

Vic