To my friend, a 166cm Hongkong girl who studies in London now,

You can call me a coward for posting this here. I am, because just for this once, I want to be a coward who can't face you and tell you the truth. 

The truth is... I miss you a lot. I miss our friendship. I miss the nonsensical talks we used to have in the MRT after school. 

I know, I made a mistake. But I have never, and would never have left you behind, no matter what the circumstances are. I didn't know how it happened, but you built a wall and hid yourself in a shell. You have changed. You really do. The girl I knew two years ago was gone, replaced by an outgoing, rebellious tweenager with an I-don't-care-attitude. I'll be fine with all that. As long as you don't leave our friendship behind. You throw me away the way you would to an used cigarette on the dusty ground.

I was mad. I was pissed off when you placed your "girlfriend" first before me. You listened to her without listening to my explanation. Worst of all, you didn't just listen. You trust her. I became the third wheel when I never really wanted to be one. I felt alienated. I felt isolated. I felt abandoned. I was selfish because I thought that you wouldn't leave your friend behind for the person that you love. But I guess, just as you have told me, that you could do whatever it takes to be with your other half.

I was mad, but I grew to understand that I was never that important in your life. Most of all, I was sad. Like the tear-less kind of sad, the gut-wrenching feeling that swallows you whole because you could feel the painful squeeze in your heart. I tried to tell myself that I didn't care. I tried to tell myself to move on and find another friends. But the truth, is that no one else has scarred me deeper than you have.

It hurts.

My mother told me that some people were never meant to stay for long. She said that I should value myself more. I should let you go. Friendship couldn't always be a one-sided communication.

Yes, I regret not treating you better. I regret refusing your offers and persuading you to accept "her". I am really sorry. I thought "she" loves you. Let me tell you real honestly, she DOES NOT love you. She is just toying with you. I have already told you that so many times, and yet your answer remains unchanged, "I will let her cheat on me, as long as I am officially and legally married to her". I couldn't reply you back then, I didn't have the heart to. But right now, I could tell you, "Well then you. Stop being stupid. I only care for you. And foolish me, for ever caring about you."

I dreamt about you a few times. I would wake up with tear-stained pillow, replaying all the memories we had during that short one and a half year.

I miss you. Despite all the yous and love yous. You were, and still are my friend, no matter what. I hope one day, when we are mature enough to understand, we will come together to talk back about the memories we used to have in our college years. Because of you, I have learnt.

People were never meant to stay...