Part 1

Part 2

 

Can be read as a stand-alone:

I told myself as I held his hands that this is how you do temporary.

That in this world of impermanence, people might leave a mark, often scars (as John Green kindly quoted), before they vanished forever.

 

This is the first step to temporary

First you walk hand-in-hand

Hold her tight like you mean it

Kiss her by the forehead because she likes it

Then steal her soul by capturing her lips

Let the hope soars as you watch the stars

Lie down on the grass and think of nothing

But at least she is in your arms

And tonight you’re not lonely

 

 

Seven months after, I still found myself crying on some days, reminiscing about our good times. More than that, I miss Glasgow and all our memories. I miss UK. I certainly don’t miss the weather, but I have built a half-done home in the country and leaving it took away a very large piece of my sanity. I went on Tinder the moment I arrived in Singapore in hopes of finding friends and dates because I have been alone for far too long, and if I don’t go out to socialise with new people, I would really fall back into depression.

 

There were two guys I talked to most, both were so different from the other. One was a 28 years-old with a very, very old-fashioned mindset, has never dated, and has never fallen in love before. Another one is 23 years-old, a soon-to-be university graduate who was juggling work and last semester study all at once. The first guy, Mr. T, is very nice. Maybe a little too nice. He would text me from morning to night. I know that for some people (most maybe), having good morning and good night wishes might be something they could only dream of, but I hated it.

 

I am working 9-to-7, sometimes to 9, and with enough stress at workplace, I certainly do not wish to be bombarded by a stranger I haven’t seen face-to-face yet. When you look for a partner, you tend to look for someone who can embrace, inspire and teach you things, but with this Mr. T, I was not getting any life-inspiring lesson. Instead I had to teach him everything about relationships. He was your typical office man, monotonous lifestyle, with zero curiosity towards anything else. The first three days were fun, but soon enough, the texting got a little more suffocating. I told him we needed to cease texting. I felt caged. I felt a lack of breathing space, and instead of giving me what I wanted, he continued to ask what went wrong and if there was anything he could do to change it.

 

I know.

He ought to be someone’s dream guy here.

Definitely not mine. I needed to run away. I couldn’t be with a guy who is so fixed on getting married and building a family. I am young, I need excitement and thrill. I only looked for safety because I was scared of getting my heart broken again, but this wasn’t the type of relationship I wanted. I need a man independent enough to have his own life, and still think about me enough to ask me out on dates at least once a week.

 

The other guy was laid-back and very interesting. We didn’t text as much, but he was the first (and only) guy I agreed to meet up with. Let’s call him Mr. B. Mr. B was a reminder of my ex, except that everything I disliked about my ex, he embodied the exact opposing qualities. He was sympathetic, emotionally stable, romantic, and active without being overly aggressive. And not to mention, he got this pair of extremely beautiful eyes that were both intense and melancholic. For the first time since we separated, I felt something again. Sparks. Tension. We held hands, we kissed, until I realised now – about a few days ago, just where we were heading to.

 

He is a sweet guy. Or he could be. Last Saturday, we met up for dinner. He had to work late on weekends, so we pushed back the date to 7 PM. As we were talking, he told me that he had a paper submission on Sunday night that he hadn’t started at all, and I asked him why he did not tell me and why he came to this date instead of cancelling it. He said, “Well, I want to see you.” If I tell you everything, you might tell me that this is the case of a guy blowing hot-and-cold. Maybe. What was I expecting. He has one exam today, but he hasn’t texted a word since last Saturday date, so I guess I just got ghosted. As I started to care, his interest waned. Let’s see if he ever gets back to me. Won’t it be interesting to write a follow-up.

 

I am not writing this post because I’m proud nor ashamed. I am just writing it as it is. Sometimes life doesn’t give you good things, but it isn’t always bad. My goal is to keep things as real as it is for me so maybe you readers can share your own stories too. Nor do I ask to be judged for what I have done or what I’m going to do. I appreciate all things happening to me because without going out there and trying, I wouldn’t know what it is like.

 

PART 4