This is probably the fifth time or so I have written about this or told people about it. It's nothing bad or awful, I mean to me it's not bad or awful. It was just a moment when I realized I was worth more than someone was making me feel like I wasn't worth it. 

I had been talking to this guy through texting for about six months, we were going to meet when I got back to college cause he lives in the next town over from my college, but goes to school in New York. No worries I checked all his things, I am 100% sure he was legit. Anyways, as I'm falling for this guy, harder than I want to admit, I get told by him that he thinks he likes another girl and she likes him, so he thinks he wants to date her, but not ruin our friendship. To be honest, I was hurt because I really liked him, I thought he was a good guy who is a feminist, a liberal and open minded. 

But he wanted my okay on this situation, I suppose I probably could have said no to him, because I deserved a fair chance right? Well, being me, I said hey yeah go for it yes let's still be friends! I was happy he was honest with me. But afterwards, he never mentioned it again. So, silly me assumed oh he must not have decided to date her since he was like "i think i want to date her". So, one night I am scrolling through facebook, feeling very anxious and I see on the top of my news feed that he is in a relationship. I got mad. I typed out awful messages, but deleted them all because I knew I would regret it. Instead I told him I wanted some space and took a day to calm down. Then I texted him basically calling him out on his for not being honest to me about being in a relationship. 

He told me he thinks he wants to date this other girl, he never said he was going to or that he was sure he wanted to. He made things so unclear that I wasn't sure if he was actually going for it or not. And the fact that he didn't bring it up again after weeks, made me think oh he didn't decide to go for it because he would have told me. Wrong. He didn't tell me, he wasn't honest. When I looked back at his page to see the relationship status, he deleted the post about it, which makes me think he was hiding it from me. I can't think of any other reason he would do that. 

I'm happy he found someone who makes him happy even if I'm 110% sure he never told this other girl about me. I would also like to point that I think it was easier for him to drop me, a girl he talks to over text messages, becasue to him he probably just sees me as a phone, not a human being who is on the other side with a heart and feelings. Bottom line: You don't deserve to be anyone's second choice. You don't deserve to be treated in a dishonest way. You deserve the best and you do not have to put with like that. No man or woman or whatever gender should be allowed to treated you in that way. 

I think for once in my life I was proud of myself for saying, you ed up, it wasn't me who made this mistake and ruined things, you did, and I'm not about to stand here and take your bull. You're sorry? You ed up? Yeah, I know you did, but honestly at this point with you not tellling me something that's pretty important while I have feelings for you, is not okay. Leading me to believe I had a chance still that you were still interested...how ing dare you. Maybe someday I'll forgive you or maybe I'll just not speak to you again because I don't think I deserve to have someone who made me feel like I wasn't good enough yet again in my life.