Guess this will never end.
And it's not like I want or don't want it to end.

It's just too much.
So many years.
And for what?
For nothing.

Don't get me wrong. I had better days. 
But those were few.

That's the reason why that saying - good days , bad days - turned into 'good days, bad years'...
I learnt not to hope for too much because I might have regretted that after, which I never pretty much liked.
Though I always said I should wish for more in life.

'What for?' if I never got what I wanted - I asked myself sometimes.

But anyway, that's not the whole point in all of this.

The thing is...

I love you.

Yeah, I know...there I go again.
Sometimes I space out thinking about this. And to my amazement, there's not always a positive answer.
But there are times when nothing can make me doubt my feelings.

 "I don't know if you see me
   The way I see you
     But you held my neck and you said some
      So I've been hoping you do..."

Sometimes the feelings are so strong that I can't even fight to prove myself otherwhise.
Because there's no point in doing that.

The question is...will you ever write them to me again? More than that...say them? Again and again...just like I say them to you in my mind.

Because we haven't said it to eachother in years and that pains me everytime I think about it.

But what can I do?

This world was never fair for us.

 " And it's hard
  The days just seem so dark
  The moon and the stars 
 Are nothing without you... "

The full moon was so beautiful with you around that night. 
But not as beautiful as you.

I wish I could have asked you for a kiss. Like old times. I really wanted to but seems like I lost the chance...
Who knows when will I get this chance again...

  "I've been living a lie
  The world I knew before is a memory
   And I keep thinking about her
   I never knew I could feel this empty... "

The worst part is that is not myself that keeps on hoping that maybe in the end you'll tell me you feel the same, but your words that mess with my head.

But who knows when will I finally hear the truth from you...

The things you told me still feel fresh in my head, in my ears. As if I heard them yesterday.

"There was hope then."

Really? Then what happened with that hope?

"Do you think I am normal?"

No. Of course not. The certainty grows bigger every single day. Though I don't want to talk about it. Unless you're the first to bring that up.

There was that time when you looked lost and sad.

Those weeks made me think about a thousand things.

I asked you twice, but not even once did you tell me what happened.

Whatever that was, it got me thinking...

"It wasn't something serious but neither was it a game."

Maybe for you. But for me things got more serious by the day.

"You are my best friend. You've been by my side all these years."

And I will stay by your side for as long as you need me to.

Because you deserve that.

Because you're the most precious to me.

You will always have me next to you when you need me.

And now, with a new idea planted in my head, I know there's still more to go through.

But I can take it.

I have no other choice.

Because...

I'm sorry.

I love you.

I forgive you.

But I won't be saved...

Until you come and save us both.

I love you.

And deep down you know you love me too.