So, recently I have started to drift away from Kpop because of all the drama going on and the ridiculousness of some of the fans. And I have realized that while I was in my Kpop fascination, I lost touch with myself. Who I really was, my roots from before I had found Kpop. 

Now before I found Kpop I was very punk rock and I had an attitude that said " you" unless you had similar tastes to my own, or being in the same style/label as me. Which at the time was the "Emo", "Scene", and "Punk" labels. That had always been my roots because I was raised around Metal/Rock music so it felt most natural to me and I felt like I was very,...at home and I loved guys like Andy Biersack, Ashley Purdy, Ronnie Radke, Kellin Quinn, Bill Kaulitz, Jayy Von Monroe, Dahvie Vanity and other rock stars like that. (I still love them though)

But once I found Kpop, it was like my entire aura changed. Obviously my music taste had changed, but not in a little way. It changed DRASTICALLY as if I had completely forgotten about all my past music and my past self in general. I became more girly with frilly things, floral patterns, polka dots, and a lot of Asian fashion. Which was very cutesy and innocent looking. I began looking at my old fashion as if it was a disease and almost felt disgraced with myself for ever dressing that way. Not only that, I began seeing all my old crushes in a different light. They weren't attractive to me anymore. I was confused because I used to be so infatuated by them and now they were just people I hardly listened to anymore. All of my focus was set on Kpop stars and I found them to be so fascinating and adorable because they seemed so innocent and sweet. The complete opposite of what I was used to because America has the " you, I do what I want, I say what I want and you can't do , ." attitude and we are hardly ever bothered by the topic of anymore. And Korea was the opposite to that. I'm not sure if I was just amused/curious with the culture difference or confused to the point where I found it interesting. (I still don't really know) But I liked it and I guess in a way I found it refreshing because it was a break from my usual norm. But it got to the extent of me getting so attached to that way that I had lost touch with who I really was. I was pretending to be someone that I THOUGHT I wanted to be, and THOUGHT it was who I really was. In some weird way without me even really realizing it, I was trying to be Korean as much as I possibly could. Even to the point where I lost attraction to people of my own race/ethnicity and only wanted to date a Korean guy cause I thought they were so adorable (I mean they are, but thats not the point) and different from guys here in America (in ways they are, still. Not my point). And it was honestly weird as . A bit beyond weird..or more.

But now I know, that was NOT me. I am NOT cute and innocent (ahaha), I still very much have my YOU attitude, and I still do love my old music and the style because thats who I REALLY am. I am NOT Korean or Asian in anyway (Duh). I do not have their views on things or their respective attitude and I never will! I am Jazmine Nicole. A White (Caucasian) 17 year old American girl who is part Irish and part Finnish. And DAMN PROUD. <3 

I'm writing this because once I realized all of the changes I was going through, it scared me less. Seriously, the effect Kpop has on people is SCARY if you get to attached. And I know I'm not the only international fan who has had this happen to. I see it all the time on Tumblr, or YouTube. People talking about how they're so glad they found Kpop because it changed them for the better, and seeing them using Korean terms (Oppa, Unnie, Jinjja, omo, etc) everywhere in the middle of sentences that are written in their native language and just completely forgetting about who they are or their roots in general because they're trying so hard to be Korean. Its scary and kind of sad because they all think that since they weren't born into a specific race/ethnicity that they prefer that they aren't good enough. So they try harder to be that race/ethnicity and lose themselves even further. (Some people have even had surgery to give them the eye shape of an Asian person) And once again I'm going to say it, It's SCARY. 

I guess that's all I have to say about one con of being an International Kpop fan. And for any international Kpop fans that read this, I want you to think about everything I have said and if you relate to any of this and notice you are trying to be Korean or even Japanese....to just know that you don't have to change yourself. You're amazing the way you are, in your own skin and don't need to be someone else because you find their culture or music better than your Country's. Not to mention, its pretty creepy when you try to be one of them. I'm sure it creeps them out to some extent and it surely creeps out the people around you. (Trust me.) Doesn't mean you have to stop loving Kpop, (because I still love the music) just try to not lose yourself in it. <3