okay, so first off this post has nothing at all to do with anything KPOP related or really anything to do with anything but me, so if you don't want to read why I'm going crazy, then leave now.

So for about three years, I have had chronic cankor sores, which means my entire mouth(lips, tongue, gums, roof, bottom, throat, everywhere but my teeth because you can't get sores on your teeth thank ing God) is covered in sores. Right now I probably have thirty. How many I have at one time ranges from three or four to now twenty-five to thirty, and they can appear anywhere. (For me at least.) usually it's not that bad, like, under ten sores, so I can either use numbing medicine or I can just eat carefully and stuff. The problem here is the numbing medicine doesn't work on your tongue-it actually makes mine burn, plus it doesn't last longer than ten minutes, so the pain it takes to put the medicine on isn't worth the five minutes of half numb relief. Also, because of these sores,  I hold my mouth differently so I don't agitate them as much, but this means I drool. ALL THE TIME. It makes some of the most awkward situations I've ever been in. It's horrible. I've drooled all over people, myself, furniture, the floor. It's the worst.

Except not really, because I drool in order to attempt to relieve the pain at least a tiny bit. Right now, it's worse then it's ever been, except for originally when it was this bad, and I swear I am going to go crazy. I can't talk, I can't eat, I can't even swallow without t hurting, and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO FOR IT!!!! THE ENT EVEN REFUSED TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH ME BECAUSE THEY SAY THERW IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO!!!! My FAVORITE time of the day is when I'm asleep, because I'm unconscious and that is the only time my mouth doesn't hurt. Seriously, it controls my entire life. It's all I can think about because it hurts so much. Also, I take anti-depressants and ADHD medication, and that lowers my appetite a lot. Like, you always know when my medicines worn off because I suddenly start eating a ton. But anyway, I'm not hungry really in the first place, but now that I literally cannot function, I don eat almost at all because it hurts. And I want to eat. I envy anybody who can eat comfortably, and please be thankful you can eat without any pain. I don't even remember what it's like to eat without pain. I am so accustomed to it. So I don't know what to do, and my mom is trying to help me, by making me take vitamins because I could have sores because I don't have enough vitamins in my system, and then if that doesn't work, she'll moniter my diet and see if it's an allergy or something. I am willing to do anything at this point, but if it doesn't get at least slightly better soon I am legit(I don't know how to spell the whole word OTL) going to go insane. If you have any tips or you know how to fix it I will GLADLY except it. Please omg I will do anything except lull myself. Although if I'm honest it would stop tjepain, but it's not worth it to kill myself beayse. Mouth hurts.(I tildyo ou I have thought of every single God damn thig I can think of.) 

Well, byebye. I hope you hav/had a nice day. （＾ω＾） I love you~♥︎