Continuing from my last blog about my personal life (which if you haven't read, then I suggest you do - http://www.asianfanfics.com/blog/view/1019037), I wanted to inform you all about my decision.  

Yeah, it didn't take a long time for me to decide on whether to stay in California or go back to my hometown, Texas; yet, only a couple of days ago, my mother told me something truly shocking and very heartwrenching.  I'm not writing this blog to get sympathy, writing is just an outlet that I have to get all uncessary, unwanted emotions that I have contained inside, and so therefore, I need to vent.  

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My mom has cancer. 

It all hit me like a sharp blast of wind once she told me she was diagnosed.  I finally understood why she wanted me to come home.  What I didn't know was that, before she called me and asked me to come home, she was diagnosed about a week earlier.  

I really didn't know what to think at that point.  Honestly, I was a bit upset at her that she didn't tell me on the phone that day.  If she would have told me, then I would have said "yes, I'll move back" in a heartbeat; however, on the other hand I feel like a knife has literally stabbed me in the heart.  

Remembering what I blogged about five days ago and replying to some of your comments, I can only say that life is truly precious and we do need to savor every second we have.  As the old saying goes, "you don't know what you have until you lose it."  Now, I can understand that saying.  

It's a late form of cancer... cancer to be exact (which if you don't know, is the the second cause of death for women).  And unfortunately, the doctor's had caught it late.  And once again, I'm upset at my mother for getting a screen test so late; however, she would have been diagnosed anyways.  But, it would have not been so late when they caught it... too late now... 

So because of that, yes, I'm moving back to Texas.  Right after I graduate from my university, my family and I made a compromise that I would move back as long as I could stay with them for the time being.  As I mentioned in my earlier blog, my mother had offered me to buy a small apartment in which I could stay in rent free about a year.  But since my mom is going to have to pay for treatments and chemotherapy, we both thought it would be best for me to just move in with them... save money.

I will be getting a job, of course, but that's not the main concern now.  I'm just going to focus on my mother's health while comforting my father and younger sister.  I don't know whether my mom is going to survive or not.  The doctor's don't know either, but as of now, things are not looking that good for her.  

I hate it... it hurts like hell... I couldn't take losing another family member since three of my cousins passed away last year, especially since it's my mother we're talking about.  I'm suppose to be a Psychologist goddammit... I'm suppose to handle this kind of ... But I just can't right now. 

If I'm not updating as often, then I apologize.  Right now, I'm trying to cope with a whole new flood of emotions right now.  I've trained with patients that have had terrible cases of cancer in which they died in only a few months, so since this is happening to someone so close to me, I don't know how to deal with it.  It will take time, but I'll learn to carry on.  It's not like I have a choice either way.  

But just a word of advice to all of you (which leads me to another point in writing this blog post): 

Don't take life for granted.  Live it to the fullest, don't hold grudges, appreciate the closest people in your life, forgive, and most importantly, love others.  There's no purpose in life if we don't live to love.  The people who've I met before they have passed regretted how they never lived life loving as they should.  I didn't understand that before my mom was diagnosed... but now I do.  

Thank you all so much for you love and support.  Keep me in your prayers and take my word of advice.  If you're subscribed to my stories, then continue reading them.  I promise I'll continue updating as long as I am still breathing.  I'll always have time to write... it's in my blood.  

Again, thank you so much!  I can't tell you how much your support means to me... it's truly a blessing. 

- everyday9