Thoughts

I feel like my writing has become too rehearsed, like I'm reciting lines. It's bothering me because nothing flows correctly and it all feels so fake. I try to write more often to improve, but I feel like everything I come up with is so robot-like and it's making me uncomfortable. I feel like I'm forcing myself to throw up these words, then I hurry and pick them up, hoping that they don't slip through my fingers. I make them fit together somehow, it turns into a mess sometimes...I try over and over again to make it seem like I didn't just force the words out onto paper. But, I don't feel anything when I'm writing these chapters and I feel guilty because there are people who are waiting for these words and I don't want to give them pieces of a puzzle that don't fit together, a picture that doesn't look quite right. I want to give them something that isn't like that..., but I can't because my writing isn't improving and I just feel like I'm losing my ability to feel. I'm still very young and I have a lot to learn and there is so much I want to be able to give. So, if you're somehow reading this and you like my stories please don't be upset that I am not updating, don't be angry. I wanted to be able to give you all something that you could dream about, or something that you would remember. I cannot do that right now and I am only a mediocre writer that is just beginning to learn. I apologize if everything takes too long, I apologize if a week turns into a month or a month turns into a year but I think a lot, and I write so much but everything is completely scattered...it's difficult to put together. So thank you to all who read this, I don't know if anybody will but thank you.

I wrote this after trying for the second time to write Chapter 23, so...those of you who like that story, I'm sorry.

-Silence

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BANGgwanja #1 Jun 6, 2015 19:47:20

[cont. from below].. We haven't seen your thoughts as you write and you should use that to your advantage. Try and bring us into your world that maybe uses a few words too often or maybe reiterates some things too many times and others not enough. We're reading whatever you give us and you aren't supposed to impress anyone but yourself. Although readers can create the burden that perhaps makes what you can produce into something you can't accept, we shouldn't be the ones you should feel like you should rewrite anything for because you've already been doing a marvellous job and honestly it may feel important now to get everything perfect but it's not supposed to be perfect. It's really cool seeing how some authors minds work through their stories and experiencing the journey each person can take us on and, really, we're all probably a lot easier to impress than you imagine - so just focus entirely on your own standards. Which you probably have been, but I feel as though it's being influenced by the pressure of so many people waiting for you.
I'm not entirely sure if any of what I just wrote makes any sense... But I really hope you don't feel the need to apologise to us readers anymore because we're waiting for you, and impatience is common but it's not the end of the world. Anyone who feels personally upset over what you're saying obviously hasn't been in the position before and isn't trying hard enough to harness their sympathy. (gosh, people need some chill)
But yeah. I feel as though my input may have given you a headache because my unedited words often make as much sense as when I speak aloud and that is a whole lotta nonsense (sorry about that!) BUT, regardless, I hope that instead it might help in some way! :) Please do have a nice day / night / wot
:D <3

BANGgwanja #2 Jun 6, 2015 19:30:29

I feel like I can relate to what you've said for my own writing - especially in the continuation of things that have been left alone for a whole. It's hard to get back into the emotion you were feeling when beginning the story (especially when you're still young because everything can change so rapidly about how you think and how you feel). Feeling like you can't express what you wanted and can't keep track of everything you're supposed to be is a very secluded feeling and it can make you feel more trapped than you need to be when there are a constant stream of subscribers and people leaving comments asking for updates that you wish you could give them. That's why I've convinced myself not to post anything new until I've completed it in my own time. But the ditch has already been dug for each of my other stories and it honestly isn't very invigorating to get comments anymore. I still cherish every single subscriber who decided that, yes, they want to read my story, but it's only a burdensome feeling that I can keep with each one as it's not writing for myself anymore it's writing for all of these other people. Even though I'm no good at helping myself out of this situation, I'm here to tell you that I can relate and I think you should just write something for yourself. Put aside some time (it might be hard to find time) to just close your eyes and imagine that you're INSIDE the setting you created all that time ago and go through the scenes you have written. I'm not sure if you already know how you are ending your story, but you probably do, so just think about it like a scaffold. It might feel robotic to write at the moment, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I think when it becomes like this it feels strange because you may have no control over what you're writing and you feel like you've written it before a thousand times over, but has anyone read it a thousand times over? Readers have only seen what is published...[cont. in above comment]

Yuyenn #3 Apr 22, 2015 09:10:39

It's not about being good or bad. Some just need for practice and tips.

chunjixbyungie #4 Apr 22, 2015 02:26:13

What are you talking about?
You are most definitely not. A BAD WRITER!
I really loved your chunjoe fics! Alone was so good! And the bakery one too!

never did i once feel that way about your chapters.

However . if still feel bad.. ( i dont know what you may have went through )
Maybe you need a break, you need to stop thinking you are obliged to update for readers.
Maybe There's a lot happening in your life already that you dont feel like writing?
Or at least you cant properly write in the field needed.
You are looking for answers in the wrong place.

Ps: reading your blog, do you think those words are forced?
ABSOLUTELY not!
Why?
Because they are really how you feel.
That's simply what you need to do.
Write the thing you feel comfortable writing Not what you want so.
Write.what.you.feel.

Xoxo
Best regards.

whattodoaboutonew #5 Apr 22, 2015 01:42:27

as Someone who is also struggling to complete a story, i understand what you're going through. There are some things you can try, like trying a change of genre? Also keeping up with my readings of novels (not fanfics) is helping me. Good luck :)