Dear Jay,

I think we might have a problem. I don't know how to say this nicely, but it needs to be said, and it needs to be said before this gets out of control. I swear you'll thank me when this is all said and done.

Your new hairstyle .

Now, I know you've probably heard people complaining about this, you even mentioned it on Instagram, but goddamn your hair . Your hair more than Hitomi Tanaka. To put it nicely, your new hairstyle makes Bumkey's bleach blond bull look good. If your hair was in school it would make that one kid who sniffed glue and smelled faintly of cafeteria lasagna and B.O seem like Albert Einstein. If your hair was a person it would be a brain-dead vegetable on life support. If your hair had an IQ, it would be that of a semi-retarded potato.

I don't know how to put this nicely, but your hair looks like it crawled out of a dumpster. Your hair is like Ron Jeremy's mustache; nobody want to touch it. It looks like it was marinated in chicken grease and washed with mayonnaise. Goddamnit, your hair is like that one line from the Grinch stole Christmas "I wouldn't touch it with a thirty-five and a half foot pole.".

Let's face it bro, your hair looks like it has like five STDs at least. I know you've had some bad hairstyles, but this one takes the cake. It's like the hair equivalent of that one kid in high school who worked in the back of mcdonalds and probably washed his face with the fryer grease, resulting in horrific pizzaface. In other words, YOUR HAIR LOOKS BAD.

But you're not the only one with bull hair. That's right, I'm looking at you Keith Ape. Your stringy bird hair is the color of rat piss. I've seen some ramen noodles thicker than your hair, and they had more color too. Just use some ing shampoo, and maybe more than a couple napkins for all the grease that's about to pour out your scalp when you wash your hair for the first time this century. And while we're talking hygiene, you need lip balm. Your dry lips look like you were walking in the Sahara desert. Kissing you would be like making out with a turtle. I'm pretty sure there's more crust on your lips than on a thick crust pizza.

And Keith, you're not the only other one with some problems. Jayallday, I'm looking at you. There's this thing called a razor, use it. Maybe once you get rid of the pedostache you'll stop looking like you drive a half broken down van that says "free candy". And Okasian, I have never wanted to chop off someone's pony tail more. You look like a goddamned pineapple.

But Jay, oh Jay Park, I expected more from you. Keith Ape and co. have always looked like the emerged from the sewers. You on the other hand, you have standards. You make it look like Nochang shaving all his hair off was a good idea. You had style, you had it all going for you and then this? I'm ashamed, shocked, and maybe even a little offended.

But Jay, as I've shown, you aren't the only one. This whole greasy dumpster fashion trend needs to die. My Italian grandmother's cooking is less greasy than your hair at this point, and the first, second and third ingredient in her recipes is butter. Unbraid your hair, go home and think about what you've done.

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So, what's you think about this open letter/roast of Jay park? Should I roast someone else? Should I put this on tumblr? Tell me what you think.