I’m addicted to EXO and by that you’ll know what kind of person I am. I’m the kind of easy-go-lucky and go with the flow person. But little did the others know I am a one hell of a depressed teen. I fake a smile, force a laugh, and lie about being okay. That was around September of the year 2014 when I attempted suicide wanna know why? Because I was bullied by my classmates and English teacher. At first, I became a self-harmer. I cut myself using those shiny pretty blades and when it became worse, suicide was the only thing running on my mind day and night. But then one night I realized, if I die I wouldn’t be able to support EXO then, I wouldn’t be able to support Kris Wu and Luhan in their individual career. That’s the only thing that I’ll regret when I die, not becoming the good fan. Not that I prioritize EXO more than my own family but in my case, I value family but based on how they act around me I think their life would be better off without me. It’s strange how I became this miserable when in my Grade school I promised to myself that I’ll never become like this. When I was still in Grade 5 I learned about depression, suicidal people, self-harm and Anxiety. That time I kept on wondering how far can a person take to go through depression and the likes and it’s funny how after 5 years I finally got the answer. 

            I’m very thankful that I became EXO’s fan because maybe, I wouldn’t be able to post this blog and I might be lying in a silver casket with formalin as my perfume and flowers on my hand. I wouldn’t regret that I became addicted to them but I regret making the first cut. I have my arms and thighs full of scars now and I am ashamed to be me. I’m ashamed to be the girl with stained soul.