“How was your sleep?” Jackson asked as he approached Mark who was stuffing books in his bag.

“Fine,” Mark replied.

Mark doesn’t want to say that last night was the one and only night he got the most comfortable sleep since he’s been lack of sleep. He woke up feeling fresh; the new feeling rushed in him. He felt excited –excited to meet Jackson and he even wished that Jackson will asks him how do he feels when he woke up.

“How do you feel when you woke up in the morning?” Jackson leans against the locker, watching him fiddling with the bag’s strap.

Oh, crap! Mark isn’t sure whether he’s flustered or he’s just nervous whenever Jackson stares at him. He glanced at Jackson who is still watching him – his lips become numb. He doesn’t know how should he answer Jackson’s question and he doesn’t want to see Jackson’s reaction.

Will Jackson be okay with his answer? Will Jackson side-eyes him after he answered his question? Most importantly, will Jackson avoids him after he heard his answer?

“You know, Mark,” Jackson breathed out after few minutes of watching Mark fiddled with his bag’s strap. “Being honest means you’ll be one step away from the depression and sadness.”

Mark bites his lips and Jackson’s eyes fell down on Mark’s lips in response but quickly averted his eyes.

“Should I?” Mark asked; the hesitation took over him.

“Are you scared of my reaction?” Jackson raised his eyebrow.

Mark nodded after few seconds of silence. “I— I don’t know. I’m just scared of everything,”

He really does. After what happened, things have been scary to him; even worse than nightmares. He’s scared of answers, he’s scared of questions, he’s scared of reactions, he’s scared of peoples – he’s scared of everything.

“Come on, Mark,” Jackson reassured him. “You’ll be okay. I’ve been wanting to hear your answer.”

“Do you?” Mark stares at him and Jackson gives him a warm smile – told him indirectly that he really wants to hear his answer.

“I— I was just feeling excited to meet you today,” Mark finally breathed it out and everything seems has stop – including Jackson’s heartbeat.

The weight has finally lifted up from his shoulder and the embarrassment fully took over him. He heard that the latter took a deep breathe but he couldn’t face him – he’s stuck in between shy and scared. After few seconds of silence, Jackson groans – making Mark turned to face him in response and his heartbeat’s speed increases.

“,” Jackson cursed, covering his face. “You— You’re just— too ing cute, Yi En.”

Mark blinks. He’s too amazed at the sight of Jackson’s cheeks reddening until he couldn’t hear what did Jackson just said. He’s blushing up to his ears too, he thought while his eyes still on Jackson. He was too busy staring at the latter until the latter coughed; startling him and blushes in response.

Jackson doesn’t know what he should say or what he should do right now, in a time like this – Mark staring at him with expression that he always dreamt of. Realizing that he hasn’t say anything for quite a while and Mark is still staring at him, he clears his throat.

“You should go to class now or you’ll be late,” Jackson said and Mark looks at his watch in response.

“Ah yes,” Mark nodded and looks up at Jackson. “Then I’ll be going.”

And Mark left. Jackson watched Mark leaving from behind before he dragged his feet towards his class, which is at the second floor of the school.

Mark, Mark, Mark and that’s all is going on in his mind. He, obviously, couldn’t think anything except Mark. He is just too deeply in love with the latter and that was why he took a step ahead to fix the latter; to bring the latter into his embrace and showers the latter with happiness and loves.

He still remembers the first time when he had his eyes on Mark – the latter was so pale, no smile but sadness across his face and there were his arms and neck; it’s nothing but full with scars. He still remembers how those people gave him disgusting looks when they found out about Mark; that he is attached to guys and he still remembers the expression that Mark held when people started talking about him – empty except those tears b in his eyes.

It was hard to approach and reassure Mark at first and his choice not to give up easily was the best choice; Mark finally let him to fix everything of his. Mark let him to take care of everything. He noticed it when those soft pink colors appeared on Mark’s cheeks when he made a soft skin-contact with the latter, he noticed it whenever the latter took a glance on him – he noticed everything.

It was his fault too sometimes – couldn’t control his desires to touch the latter. He knew that the latter still feel uncomfortable around him but he’s just too overwhelmed by the way the latter would look up at him and stares at him when he talks – and he would bring up his hand and brushes the latter’s hair in reflex, making the latter startled with soft pink colors appeared on his cheeks.

He likes everything of Mark.

The way Mark would look at him, the way Mark’s lips forms a small smile, the way Mark talks, the way Mark approach him, the way Mark stutters, the way Mark blush, the way Mark would fiddles with his bag’s strap when he’s nervous – he likes all of it.

His friends would say that he’s so love-struck with the latter but he couldn’t care less – after all, it’s the fact so why would he deny it. He would do anything to fix the latter, to let the latter knows what’s the meaning of happiness and loves, to let the latter knows he is so deeply in love with him for years, to let the latter knows the tingling feels in him whenever he touches the latter, to let the latter know everything of his.

He stares up at the sky.

“Even it’s for once, let him knows my feeling towards him,”

#

They were hand in hand and Mark was a bit too nervous when their eyes met almost every seconds. Jackson’s grip is a bit tighter than always, he thought as he bites his lips. He’s trying not to glance at the latter which he would squeeze his hand without he noticed. Not until when he felt his palm is too sweaty; he pulled his hand from Jackson’s which made Jackson stops walking and looks at him. He raised his eyebrow, asking what’s wrong and Mark just shakes his head.

This is the first time Mark watches Jackson is deep in thoughts. Usually, he would notice and aware of everything. He would even talk, laughs, make jokes and keep the interactions going on between them without stopping until they reaches at his house.

But today, it feels strange. Jackson is acting strange.

“You should go home,” Mark stated after few minutes of silence.

“Your house is ahead,”

“It’s fine,” Mark said. “I’ll be fine.”

Jackson stares at him a little bit too much until he had to look away, “Are you sure?”

Mark nodded, “You look tired, though. You should go back home and take some rest,”

Jackson didn’t answer but instead he approached him – too close until Mark could feel his warmth against him but he couldn’t block him; his hands feels heavy and his lips become numb. The latter brings up his hand, brushes his fingers over his cheeks and everything inside him feels warm and fuzzy. He almost closed his eyes when the latter softly and slowly grab him by the back of his neck, because of the difference in height, and something’s hot yet soft landed on his forehead.

His eyes widened.

“Take care,” Jackson whispers and he smiles. “I’ll text you tonight.”

And Jackson left, leaving his warmth lingering around Mark and leaving the way he landed his soft lips on Mark’s forehead in Mark’s mind. Mark watches as Jackson leaving him behind without noticing his grasp on his shirt almost too tight.

He just should push the latter away when the latter came closer to him but he didn’t know why he couldn’t bring up both of his hand and push the latter away and he didn’t know why he couldn’t say, at least “stop” when the latter came closer and he didn’t know why he feels that he’s so ed up.

“I’m so ed up,” Mark muttered as he slowly leans against the wall. 

Thank you everyone for your patience. May God bless all of you and may you have a nice day <3