Mark was a bubbly, cheerful and a positive person when he was in elementary school. He would go around the school and made friends with everyone from all class in the school. You could say that he was everyone’s favorite and it’s obviously that everyone loved him. Mark was everyone’s happy pill, Mark was the place to relieve all your stress just by hearing his jokes, Mark was the one and only person if you wanted some good advices – he gave really good advices and his advices really gave others a good effect. Even if Mark walks around, without any smile on his face or without greeting, people would still get attached to him and they’d abruptly walks towards him and greets him with a smile spreads widely on their face.

But everything seems changed a lot when he entered high school.

He has a lot of bad thoughts in his mind and the bad thoughts polluted his mind. Day by day passed and depression finally fully took over him – his soul, his mind and his body. It started when he felt that he’ll reacts weirdly to boys or in other word, he feels attached to boys in his school. Without thinking, he told the weird news to his parents and his parents could only stared until one of them got off from the sofa and walked away into the room.

And Mark knew this won’t bring him anywhere and it’ll make him lives in depression.

His relationship with his parents grew apart or the fact, it was him who is avoiding his parents. He felt ashamed and he thought that his parents are ashamed of him too. Which parents likes it when their son is homoual? Is gay? Which parent likes it when their son is ing attached to boys and not girls? It’s just weird and shameful. Mark even thought that his parents couldn’t face him because they’re disgusted.

Disgusted.

And that word started everything – Mark decided to cut himself, he made scars on his arms, he punched the wall until his fist bleed and he does it almost every night. His parents seem never cares and that made him even angry, disgusted of himself. It wasn’t his wish to become a homoual in the future. It’s not his wish. When his mind is polluted by the fact that he is homoual and his parents never cares about him anymore, he would ended the bad thoughts by cutting so that his mind will be full with the pains of the cuts.

At least that stopped him from thinking too much.

Cutting is such a great decision, he thought. He doesn’t find that cutting is just for girls who are in bad depression – it’s just something that will make you forget everything; all your thoughts, all your problems that you have and pain will replaces it. Even it’s only for a while.

Even the pain won’t last long just like his problems and his thoughts.

If people would went and greeted him when he walks along the hall back then, now not anymore. People would stares and him and whispers which Mark knew it won’t be good things – they would talk about him and the scars that covered his arms since he rolled up his sleeves.

But Mark couldn’t care less. He’s used to it.

He even lost his attention in the class. If he was a top student in the elementary school, now he is the student which teachers would calls him “a really trouble student”. No one knew what is happening to Mark but one thing that they all knew is Mark is really different when he was in elementary school.

But no one can save him from destroying himself. No one can stop him from cutting himself because they’re scared of current Mark. No one can walk to towards him, stand in front of him and says that these cuts on his arms are worse than himself.

No one.

And things are getting worst when the news that he’s homoual is spreading in his school; and of course the students give him disgusted looks. But still, he couldn’t care less. Even some students call him a but he still couldn’t care less. He’s broken enough. Nothing can fix him. Not even a psychologist. And the scars on his arms increased day by day.

Until one day, someone walked towards him when he was walking towards his class and stopped him from walking. Mark looked up from staring on the floor as he was walking through the hall – his eyes met the guy who is staring at him right into his eyes.

“You will be okay,” the guy said, and Mark could feel all the attention on them.

“I’m okay,” that’s all that Mark could answer and somehow he’s surprised of himself because he rarely talk to strangers or someone he never know after what depression did to him.

“It’s not too late to fix yourself, you know,” the guy continued, stopping Mark in his way.

“You'll never know how I feel,”

“At least I do just by looking at your scars,”

“It’s more than that,” Mark continued.

“I know,” the guy stares into Mark’s eyes. “Let me fix you.”

Mark was clueless for a second before he spoke, “What do you mean by fix me? I’m broken enough and it’s too late to fix me.”

“Then, let me enter in your life and be a part of your life.” the guy said, clear, too clear much to Mark’s disliking.

Mark stares at the guy in front of him. He looked over the guy’s nametag – Jackson. This guy, Jackson, probably a new student and maybe he doesn’t know what was the news that is spreading through the school. Mark looked over Jackson’s arms. Clean from any scars and marks and somehow he’s envying the guy who is standing patiently in front of him. And the bad thoughts are polluting his mind again.

“I don’t need someone to help me,” Mark protested, his expression turns into a tight one.

“You don’t have to leave scars on your arms to help yourself,” Jackson replied him steadily while Mark, on the other side, is boiling in anger.

“I hate everyone and everyone means including you. I don’t ing need any help!” Mark shouted and he felt the clock stops ticking, all the attention on him.

Jackson suddenly chuckled, amused. “How did you feel after you scream? Isn’t it’s getting better?”

Mark glared at him and he hated the fact that Jackson really knew how he feels. He is just someone that Mark never knows but yet he already knew tons of Mark’s feelings and thoughts. Mark, deep in his heart, he just doesn’t want to involve with everyone, especially boys because he doesn’t want to be spat as “disgusting ” right on his face. It’s enough to be spat around him but not right on his face. He wanted to live like this even till the end.

Alive but barely breathing or breathing but barely alive.

“You’re getting nowhere with those scars on your arms,” Jackson said, glances at Mark’s arms which are covered with scars; there’s even a scar which is still new.

“Let them do whatever they want,” Mark replied. “You don’t have any right to tell me what I have to do and I’d rather be like this till the end of my life than being such a faker.”

And Mark left, leaving Jackson who is watching him left from behind. Mark doesn’t regret it. He doesn’t need someone to fix him nor taken care of him. He doesn’t need anyone in his life – including his parents if his parents really neglecting him. He’s still alive, at least; even it’s harder and difficult than he expected. Even it hurts.

just a short and boring chapter for prologue. OH and you guys rock; really!