Mark woke up after a long nap and he found it’s already dark outside. He stares at the sky blankly throughout the window while his right hand caressing his arm – the scar still stings when his fingers touched it but he still caresses it anyway.

He had a dream about his mom.

He clenched the bed sheet without he noticing – he misses his mom too much. He couldn’t bear it. He wanted to talk to his mom, he wanted to hug his mom, he wanted to showers his mom with his kisses, he wanted to tell his mom about how he feels; he wanted to do everything with his mom.

It’s been a while and it’s obviously a lie that he’s been used to his parents doesn’t care about him. Of course, he said it once or maybe few times but deep in his heart, he isn’t. He really doesn’t get used to it. He feels lonely, he feels like he’s the unwanted child, he feels like his parents threw him away.  He feels everything that a teenager shouldn’t feel like about their parents.

But it’s the truth.

It’s just hurt for him – too painful until he thinks that he should commit suicide.

But then it’s too stupid.

He still has a long way to go through ahead him. He still needed to finish up his school and at least he still have to make his parent proud of him.

Some of teenagers thinks “what is life anymore” when parents doesn’t cares about them but Mark totally opposites it. He knew; he knew it that his parent isn’t like half of those ty parents out there. He knew that his parent totally looking forward to him, cheering him up through their untold feelings when they stares at him.

He knew that his parent still loves him.

He still remember those times when his mom always told him “it’s okay” or “it’ll be okay, Yi En,” for thousandth times when he’d done something out of his mind – and sometimes he’d told his mom to shut up when the anger controlled him.

All his mom could say was “I’m sorry,” without him asks for apologize for the next day. He was a selfish person back then – he even noticed, out of those things, he noticed that he never says common words to his mom; the common words that all children would say to their mom and dad. For him, love towards parent should be obviously seen by acts, but he was wrong. He should have known that both acts and words are really important when it comes to love towards parents.

“… I’m sorry,” he choked it out and tears finally rolls on his cheek as he hung low his head. “I really shouldn’t do that…”

And he fell asleep with tears still rolling on his cheeks.

===

“Yi En, don’t play too far from here, alright?” His mom said as she ruffles Mark’s brownish hair. Mark giggles.

“I know, mommy. I won’t go play somewhere which is too far from you,” Mark grins and kissed his mom’s left cheek. “I’ll never leave you, okay.”

His mom smiled and placed a long kiss on his forehead. She stared at Mark before she spoke, “You know that I really put a high hope on you, Mark.”

Mark stares at his mom with a confused look. “Mommy,”

“Of course you’re not the only one and only child that I have but I have this thing, deep in my heart, and that made me decide to put a really high hope on you. I’m really looking forward to your future, when you grow up, when you finally get a good result…” His mom smiles as she brushes her thumb over Mark’s cheek. “And when you’re finally leaving me and live all alone.”

Mark could see the tears in his mom eyes. He cupped his mom’s cheek and kissed his mom’s forehead. He really loves his mom – his one and only mom. And of course, he never wants to makes his mom sad, because of him. He shouldn’t make his mom cry because of him. He wants to make his mom happy and he wants to see a happy smile on his mom’s face and those wrinkles besides her eyes when she smiles.

He thinks again; whose mom wants to see her sons and daughters live like a failure? Whose mom wants to see her sons and daughters doesn’t appreciate her and instead treat her like a maid and something related to that?

“You know that I love you, right?” Mark spoke up after few minutes of thoughts.

“I know that so much,” His mom replied and smiles as she tightened her arms around Mark. “What’s wrong, boy?”

Mark shakes his head, “Just thoughts.”

His mom pushed him away slowly and put her hand on his head. “You know, thoughts isn’t good for your health,”

“Really?”

His mom nodded. “Most of the people would say it’s just thoughts but actually thoughts can lead to negative other than positive.”

“Negative thoughts, you mean?”

“Negative acts. If there’re too many thoughts in your mind and that’s killing you, you’ll bring yourself into depression and that’ll cause self-harm. So, you shouldn’t let yourself drown in thoughts.” His mom explained as she looks through his dark-brown orbs. She then smiled as she caresses Mark’s cheek.

“Would you… be upset if I turn you down one day?” Mark asked.

“Will you?”

“I—“ he sighed. “I don’t know, but I do feel like I’ll turn you down one day, in the future when I’ve grown up.”

Mark shifts his feet awkwardly as he felt his mom’s eyes on him. He really wants to say something, or tell something to his mom but he’s scared that his mom will turn around and leave him alone so he keeps it in his heart. He doesn’t want to lose his mom and his dad. He doesn’t want to hurt their feelings.

“Do you feel something?”

“Huh?”

“Do you feel something?” His mom repeated.

“What do you mean?” Mark gives his mom a confused look.

After few minutes of silence, he heard his mom let out a soft sigh and she patted his head softly.

“Come, let’s head back home. Dad is coming back in half an hour.” She took out her hand and Mark stared at her with a confused look before he grins and grabs his mom’s hand; heading back to home safely.

===

He rushed out to the bathroom and let out everything that he had in his stomach; empty stomach. It has been a while since he took a proper meal. He’ll only go downstairs after 12 o’clock in the midnight and search for foods in the microwave that his mom has keep for him – even it’s a proper meal, he didn’t finish eat. He’ll just took a bite of it and he's done.

His mom always gave him a worried look; even he knows his mom won’t approach him and caresses his face; telling him he’s losing too much weight lately. He always looked over his shoulder to look at his mom who is always looking at him from far and gave him a worried look.

He loves his mom, his mom loves him. He cares about his mom, his mom cares about him. His mom would tell everything’s going to be alright, but he didn’t. His mom never disappoints him, but he did. And everything seems too complicated.

Everything seems has changed too much. Everything seems has turned upside down. Everything about him has change; too much.

And he obviously wants everything turns into normal – but how?

He wants his mom to stand by his side and tells him everything’s going to be alright while caresses his face with her warm hands.

oh another boring chapter (and its earlier than I expected lol) GUYS DONT BE A SILENT READERS, DO COMMENTS YEA, PRETTY PLEASE ;; you guys really rocks though!