“Oh, but. . I was going to say. . those feelings I mentioned. I. . I love you, Mir.”

The feel of reality returned. My heart seemed to slow down, in fact, the next couple of seconds all seemed slow-motion to me. Joon was in slow motion as he ran towards the cops with his knife, he was in slow motion when the bullets hit him from head to toe, he was in slow motion as he collapsed onto the ground in a puddle of his blood. I felt tears beginning to form in my own eyes.

“Joon. . !” I cried out, running over to him. Tears were already slipping down my cheeks as I grabbed his body and pressed my face into his blood-soaked chest. I turned my head to check if he had a pulse. Nothing.

My throat felt as if it had closed up to keep me from getting any air. I started sobbing while hugging his corpse.

For once I didn’t want to live without him. After all these years I had been trying to forget about him and move on, but now. . Now I just wanted him. I wanted him to be here, I wanted him to hug me back and tell me he was just kidding. I wanted him to show me how he had changed, and how much he really loved me.

I wanted him back.

But I couldn’t have him back. I had been a stupid, love-spoiled kid, and I couldn’t see Joon’s true feelings. I couldn’t see or understand his pain, and as soon as I did, he was gone. So much for being his best friend. . .

I’ll never know if the feelings I felt for Joon right then were real. It could have been the heat of the moment, or maybe deep down I did feel the same for him. I just wish there was some way to find out.

I hope Joon’s made the friends he deserves wherever he is right now. I hope they’re better friends than I ever was.

Thank you Joon, for being my friend after all I had done to you.